Which came first, the Coyote or the Egg?

[ebonlock]

This is just way too much fun:

Invent a memory of me and post it in the comments. It can be anything you want, so long as it's something that's never happened. Then, of course, post this to your journal and see what an interesting life you might have had in a parallel universe.

Comments

[windrose.livejournal.com]

I remember that time when we stood along the banks of the Nile and danced our triumph under the light of the setting sun.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

The fools thought they could conquer us? They had sealed their own fate and now lay in the less than gentle embrace of the sated crocodiles. Egypt, at last, was ours!

[windrose.livejournal.com]

Those were heady days, indeed. I thought there would be bloodshed among the men as they fought for the honor of bathing the sand from our feet that night.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Fortunately your steely-eyed gaze held them in check. Well that and my idea that they battle for our attentions via the manly art of naked olive oil wrestling.

[tamago.livejournal.com]

I came to pick you up, but your boat was three hours late, do you remember that time? You disembarked looking like a Hollywood Screen Goddess and when I went in for a hello kiss you said, "Don't muss the hair." You were wearing a scarf over your head. But once we were in the cab you attacked me, nibbling my ears and sucking dark marks into my neck. At the hotel you left me to deal with the baggage. I could hardly stand, my knees were shaking so much. I got up to the room and found you had already made a conquest of the concierge. So I left the bags in the hall and went downstairs to get drunk in the bar.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

That concierge meant nothing to me, just a way to pass the time until you arrived, my dearest. And I was just as surprised as you when the maid and desk clerk arrived bearing champagne, a feather duster, and a rather large but interestingly shaped eggplant...

[tamago.livejournal.com]

Well, they were all out of zucchini.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Well, they were all out of zucchini.

Good thing you always bring a few along. Though I hear the bell boy has never been quite the same...

[psyfic.livejournal.com]

Oh, I still remember with great fondness that one time you and I and Ce all frollicked with Alan Rickman and Julian Sands. You danced while we gave them both a massage then Julian invited you to do the horizontal tango whilst Ce and I found out just how talented Alan's mouth truly is... *happy sigh*

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Damn I like how your mind works! :)

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

I'd finally gotten sick of hearing the usual horse shit about how we were making 'great progress!' in the War On Terror(tm). So I decided to show them what terror really was. I impressed you into duty because your car had more cargo space and because I knew you had a secret crush on me.

The President. The Vice President. The Speaker of the House. The President Pro-Tem. The Secretary of State (particularly delicious for me, given his and my past). The Secretary of the Treasury....
One by one we picked them off, using ingenious methods that easily bypassed their 'security' precautions. We caught a few bystanders, but nobody that close to those scumbags could be called innocent. There was the sodium-dusted dinner waiter with vertigo, the dagger carved from ice, the doctored remote control, and (my personal favorite) the bag of 'Jalapeno flavored pork rinds'.
And then any world leader who tried to give us attitude during Operation Reign Of Justice. Yasser Arafat (surprisingly easy, seeing as nobody really gave a crap about him anymore) and Ariel Sharon with matching notes pinned to their blackened corpses--"Terrorists Out of Israel". That mafioso thug who's been running Russia since the last election. Tony Blair, done to death like the Invisible Man in the second 'League' series. A Tour de Force through the African despots that the US was too cowardly to instigate regime change on. And then, just because he's a crazy mother fucker, Kim Jong Il in a public execution that got the highest ratings in North Korean history since the World Cup.

After that it was obvious we needed amnesty, so we fled to someplace that thumbs its nose at all authority, even defying the laws of physics. Which is how we ended up living in exile in Berkeley.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Tony Blair, done to death like the Invisible Man in the second 'League' series.

Damn, remind me never to get on your bad side ;) Of course you realize now that my LJ is undoubtedly going to be targeted by the Office of Homeland Security, don't you? And I'm not sure even the rogue state of Berkeley will be able to protect us.