(no subject)

[ebonlock]

I tried...gods know I tried. I really, really, really tried. I don't like admitting to failure, indeed I quite hate it but this time I really feel I must.

I just can't read Twilight.

I mean I knew it was bad, lord knows I've read enough people who've mocked it thoroughly and well over the past few months. I didn't pay much attention because I had no intention of going anywhere near it. I figured it was probably pretty lame but at least marginally entertaining as so many people were into it. And hey I didn't particularly like Harry Potter until about book 3 so...

But...MY...GOD. This book isn't just bad, it's epically, tragically awful. I actually felt like my brain was slowly dissolving in my skull and dribbling out of my ears. I wasn't just horrified that this got published, I was embarrassed that it was written in a shared language. I felt like apologizing to every Mary Sue fanfic writer I'd ever mocked in my life. At least they weren't getting paid for their dreck.

Nor did they have movie deals.

By page 50 where Bella and Edward finally exchange awkward and highly improbable dialogue I'd had enough. I already established that I wanted Bella (a less appealing teen character I have yet to meet, and of course the book's from her point of view) and the entire oh so beautiful vampire clan to die horribly tasting their own blood. I actively wanted to stab them all. That realization convinced me that I had better ways to spend my time.

I know my sisters will be disappointed with me and that they and my niece actively enjoy the books but...no. Seriously, it's not worth the sanity points I'd be losing by continuing. I think I'll just read The Zombie Survival Guide instead.

Comments

[rexluscus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I tried too, but it was just unreadable. It wasn't even lolarious enough to be worth the pain.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I tried too, but it was just unreadable. It wasn't even lolarious enough to be worth the pain.

If I could've laughed and shrugged it off I might well have finished it just to say I had. But seriously what little I read of it made me think back almost fondly on "Deathly Hallows" and that's just sad.

[canellaphile.livejournal.com]

*pets*

I actually thought is was okay until I got to the last 150 pages or so and realized I wanted to burn it. Now, that's embarrassing.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

See that's why I stopped 'cause I'm totally against defacing books and the temptation to do just that was building with each page. It's bad when you don't even want to hold a book for fear of contamination.

[scoreboard.livejournal.com]

Vampire zombies! Could you kill a vampire zombie with a stake? For that matter, is a silver bullet any good against a vampire? (This actually came up at dinner over the weekend.)

I refuse to eat the paste. Were I 15 years old again, I would be mocking all the emo Twilight girls as I sat proudly atop my high horse not getting so much as a look. ;]

(Okay, okay, the high horse was actually a jackass, but in Alabama you go to war with the mount you have, not the mount you want. Oooh, bad choice of analogy. Stop typing now? You bet!)

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

As I recall I was already reading the Thomas Covenant books by that point in my life so would've skipped over the whole Twilight phenomenon entirely.

[moonlightnrain.livejournal.com]

I read the first page or two of the second book (never having so much as glanced at the first book after I gifted Liz with it in the SD airport). It was in my bathroom, and I was, uh, in need of reading material. But after the first few paragraphs I was sorely tempted to use it as toilet paper. Blech.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Oh the prologue was an abomination all alone, but it was also a tease. I mean if I had any hope that Bella actually would die by the end it might have given me the strength to keep reading.

[moonlightnrain.livejournal.com]

See, I have no idea about the prologue of the first book. The second book starts with a dream sequence. They got to the "oh noes, my boyfrenz iz sparkly and the ghost of Grandma might guess his dark, dark sekretz!" part and, yeah. I was done.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Read the prologue of Book 1 sometime. Seriously, it makes the epilogue of Book 7 seem almost well written by comparison. I have to admit on the plus side Twilight did help me get over a lot of my anger at J.K. Rowling.

[moonlightnrain.livejournal.com]

Well, that's... something? I guess. What I'm unable to gather from all I've heard is what there would be to discuss about the book....

[windrose.livejournal.com]

A friend rec'd it to me last year, and I was going to pick it up and give it a go until I started reading reviews from people with, y'know, actual taste. The small bits quoted in these reviews were damaging enough that I decided it would be far better for my sanity if I simply avoided the entire franchise altogether.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

I was of the same opinion but my sisters got it for me and were so enthusiastic about discussing it with me that I set that aside. Much as I love them I just can't do it.

[missjones.livejournal.com]

How disappointing for us. I will let you break the news to Tierney. She will be devastated. But, you are completely entitled to your opinion and I respect it.

[xleste.livejournal.com]

Hee - isn't it utterly appalling that there's a ridiculously large fan base for such inanity? It really makes me question American sanity.

It HAS provided a fair amount of mockery-fodder though. SHINY VAMPIRES! (That said, I refuse to watch the movie, and skimmed book 1 while flatly refusing to read any more. As it was, reading book 1 was like watching a train wreck.)

[melimus.livejournal.com]

SHINY VAMPIRES! equal FARIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

I experienced the movie via cleolinda and that's as much as I need to know. I just really can't believe how bad the book actually is, I mean it's astonishingly awful. I can't remember the last time I felt appalled to have read something, I really can't.

[melimus.livejournal.com]

Well it isn't for us. Its for teens and they love it. I would hate to be held accountable for my earlier taste or lack there of. . .Witch World anyone? Dragon Riders of Pern?

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Dude I would happily put Dragon Riders of Pern up against Twilight. Indeed I would put the Harper Hall trilogy up against it as well. Everything that was produced after McCaffrey lost her freakin' mind, not so much.

[reluctantgenius.livejournal.com]

I have quite fond memories of Pern. I suspect reading it again might spoil that, but I may have to try anyway. There have been some other books I've re-read that have been interesting because I learned, for instance, where I got the idea that competence was the true measure of a man - from Heinlein.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

I think the Pern books hold up and I re-read them quite a lot over the past 20 or so years.

[reluctantgenius.livejournal.com]

The other author that was big when I was in high school was Piers Anthony. Even at the time, I found most of them pretty horrible.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

I liked a few of them until the puns became too painful.

[reluctantgenius.livejournal.com]

It was the puerile sexuality that got me.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

I got paid money to read it. A dollar.fifty, but money none the less.

I would need to be paid a lot more than that, and have a guarantee of psychiatric support after I finished it.

Zombie Survival Guide! F yeah! Have you read World War Z? Same author and absolutly amazing.

Haven't yet, I started with the Monster Island/Monster Nation series, but it got real weird real fast. May see if the library has a copy of WWZ, though.

[elenderel.livejournal.com]

I never heard of Twilight until I heard a what, half-hour report on NPR about the movie opening and how incredibly popular the franchise was among teenage girls ... I'm beginning to see that maybe there was a reason I hadn't known if its existence. Sometimes living under a rock has its advantages, I guess. I'll keep telling myself that.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Any rock that protects you from Twilight is one worth keeping, believe me.

[thunderemerald.livejournal.com]

The first time round, I gave up at about page 100. The second time round, I finished the fucker. And OH GOD. Yes, to everything you said.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure whether to be horrified or incredibly impressed that you went back a second time and finished it...

[thunderemerald.livejournal.com]

Be impressed. Seriously. It took a lot of effort not to throw myself off a precipice every time I picked the thing up again.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

The question remains...why?

[thunderemerald.livejournal.com]

Because I am actively looking for new fantasy fiction, and I wanted to see what it was about this book that made people go nuts over it.

I still can't fucking figure it out.

(Oh, and because I wanted to be justified in my mockery of it.)

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

(Oh, and because I wanted to be justified in my mockery of it.)

I believe this may be the most viable reason for reading the series in a nutshell.

[thunderemerald.livejournal.com]

Oh, there's no way in HELL I'm reading the entire series.