"I'm Juggernaut, bitch!"

[ebonlock]

Ok I just have one question, all those people who have posted glowing reviews of X3...what crack were they smoking? I mean seriously, did they ever read X-Men? I'm guessing no.

I can forgive a lot when it comes to comics-based flicks, but shitty dialogue combined with a plot so filled with holes one was left hearing Tom Servo's voice in their head intoning, "They just didn't care.", not to mention special effects that left a great deal to be desired, and an almost complete lack of anything remotely resembling emotion, that's just asking a bit too much.

I will tell you the one and only one moment that made me actually downright happy I was seeing the film, when they let Hank actually say, "Oh my stars and garters!" I actually squeed aloud. I loved what they did with Hank and I could've really seen a relationship building between him and Ororo. I think the original cameo planned for Kurt in this one might've softened me to it a bit, but apparently he's only in the game...which I don't have...so I don't know why he wasn't in this film. Aelf read that Chris Claremont is doing the novelization for this one too, maybe he'll take care of that for me. I mean he was the guy who didn't let Jean get off the damn Blackbird in X2 so I have some hope.

Speaking of brainless moments, what the hell were the following people thinking:

1) The guy who ordered Mystique put on a semi and shuttled around the country. "I know, let's put her in a big metal box, that'll keep her away from Magneto!"

2) Ororo when she and Logan land at Alkalai Lake and there's this thick fog bank. I kept sitting there muttering, "Girlfriend, this is your skill set, get rid of it already."

3) Logan in his first fight against Juggernaut, oh how I longed for Nightcrawler to be in his place. I remembered back to "Pryde of the XMen" and a similar battle between Nightcrawler and the Blob:

B: "No power on Earth can move the Blob!"
NC: "And I wouldn't dream of trying. Auf Wiedersehen!" *BAMF*

Logan, you're way more agile than that guy and you couldn't avoid that big slab of beef? Jeez, just pathetic.

4) Storm deciding to go hand to hand in combat, honey you're a long range weapons kind of girl, it's what you do. Remember, play to your skill set.

5) Magneto, dude, moving the Golden Gate was impressive and I'm sure your cronies lapped it right up, but there are these things called boats what would've taken you right to Alcatraz with a lot less fuss and bother.

6) Logan again, honey it's all angsty and shit having to stab Jean to stop the Phoenix but you did have a bunch of anti-mutant drugs easily available that might've done the trick without, you know, killing her. Could've at least tried.

Anyway, the ending struck me as a little too happy (shades of HP 1 and 2) given how many people ended up dead. Poor Scott, nobody even thought to ask about him except Logan (and dude, that scene between the two of them in the hallway was the slashiest thing I've seen in a while!). One wonders what they ended up burying in his little grave...perhaps his spare pair of shades? And if I were them I'd have fucking dismantled Jean after I put her down. Remember, *Phoenix*, you know?

Did anybody else have the mad impulse during the bit where Warren saves his old man to blurt out, "I love my gay mutant son!", or was that just me?

I felt really bad for Mystique, Erik was totally cold to her. I'd really thought they might go with a Magneto redemption story in this one, or at least kick it off but I guess not. I mean he did run the Xavier School for a time and was a good guy so there's even precedent for it. And they kept hammering the fact that the President's main man was Trask but they did nothing with him. I would've felt like I'd gotten my money's worth if just once he'd said something to the effect of, "You know, sir, I had this idea about giant robots..."

I will admit that Kitty was cute and clever and pretty well cast really. Kelsey Grammar did a pretty good job with Hank, and certainly is the voice I've been hearing for him in my head for ages.

So, anyway, they pretty much did set the whole thing up for some sort of sequel what with Charlie jumping bodies, Magneto starting to get his powers back at the very end, and of course Jean's being the Phoenix and all. To be honest I don't think that movies are the way I would go with more stories. I'd totally do a series of novels set in this alternate XMen universe and let Chris Claremont write them. Now that I'd read.

Comments

[canellaphile.livejournal.com]

Ian and Patrick totally phoning in their performances...

Hahaha... you really hit the nail on the head with this one.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Not that I blame them, mind you, I mean they didn't have a whole lot to work with. If they'd gone with the Magneto redemption story I was hoping for I'm sure Ian would've sunk his teeth right into that.