"I'm Juggernaut, bitch!"

[ebonlock]

Ok I just have one question, all those people who have posted glowing reviews of X3...what crack were they smoking? I mean seriously, did they ever read X-Men? I'm guessing no.

I can forgive a lot when it comes to comics-based flicks, but shitty dialogue combined with a plot so filled with holes one was left hearing Tom Servo's voice in their head intoning, "They just didn't care.", not to mention special effects that left a great deal to be desired, and an almost complete lack of anything remotely resembling emotion, that's just asking a bit too much.

I will tell you the one and only one moment that made me actually downright happy I was seeing the film, when they let Hank actually say, "Oh my stars and garters!" I actually squeed aloud. I loved what they did with Hank and I could've really seen a relationship building between him and Ororo. I think the original cameo planned for Kurt in this one might've softened me to it a bit, but apparently he's only in the game...which I don't have...so I don't know why he wasn't in this film. Aelf read that Chris Claremont is doing the novelization for this one too, maybe he'll take care of that for me. I mean he was the guy who didn't let Jean get off the damn Blackbird in X2 so I have some hope.

Speaking of brainless moments, what the hell were the following people thinking:

1) The guy who ordered Mystique put on a semi and shuttled around the country. "I know, let's put her in a big metal box, that'll keep her away from Magneto!"

2) Ororo when she and Logan land at Alkalai Lake and there's this thick fog bank. I kept sitting there muttering, "Girlfriend, this is your skill set, get rid of it already."

3) Logan in his first fight against Juggernaut, oh how I longed for Nightcrawler to be in his place. I remembered back to "Pryde of the XMen" and a similar battle between Nightcrawler and the Blob:

B: "No power on Earth can move the Blob!"
NC: "And I wouldn't dream of trying. Auf Wiedersehen!" *BAMF*

Logan, you're way more agile than that guy and you couldn't avoid that big slab of beef? Jeez, just pathetic.

4) Storm deciding to go hand to hand in combat, honey you're a long range weapons kind of girl, it's what you do. Remember, play to your skill set.

5) Magneto, dude, moving the Golden Gate was impressive and I'm sure your cronies lapped it right up, but there are these things called boats what would've taken you right to Alcatraz with a lot less fuss and bother.

6) Logan again, honey it's all angsty and shit having to stab Jean to stop the Phoenix but you did have a bunch of anti-mutant drugs easily available that might've done the trick without, you know, killing her. Could've at least tried.

Anyway, the ending struck me as a little too happy (shades of HP 1 and 2) given how many people ended up dead. Poor Scott, nobody even thought to ask about him except Logan (and dude, that scene between the two of them in the hallway was the slashiest thing I've seen in a while!). One wonders what they ended up burying in his little grave...perhaps his spare pair of shades? And if I were them I'd have fucking dismantled Jean after I put her down. Remember, *Phoenix*, you know?

Did anybody else have the mad impulse during the bit where Warren saves his old man to blurt out, "I love my gay mutant son!", or was that just me?

I felt really bad for Mystique, Erik was totally cold to her. I'd really thought they might go with a Magneto redemption story in this one, or at least kick it off but I guess not. I mean he did run the Xavier School for a time and was a good guy so there's even precedent for it. And they kept hammering the fact that the President's main man was Trask but they did nothing with him. I would've felt like I'd gotten my money's worth if just once he'd said something to the effect of, "You know, sir, I had this idea about giant robots..."

I will admit that Kitty was cute and clever and pretty well cast really. Kelsey Grammar did a pretty good job with Hank, and certainly is the voice I've been hearing for him in my head for ages.

So, anyway, they pretty much did set the whole thing up for some sort of sequel what with Charlie jumping bodies, Magneto starting to get his powers back at the very end, and of course Jean's being the Phoenix and all. To be honest I don't think that movies are the way I would go with more stories. I'd totally do a series of novels set in this alternate XMen universe and let Chris Claremont write them. Now that I'd read.

Comments

It's just too damn busy...

[scoreboard.livejournal.com]

...I think ericasco and I counted something like 19 named mutants in 140 minutes, which means any sort of character development goes right out the window - the casual fans won't know the diff and the hardcores know the backstory already and won't be happy anyway, so why bother? Lazy lazy lazy.

Beast was an amazingly pleasant surprise from top to bottom, but everything else was just careless as hell. Doesn't bode well for the franchise having a future, which is sad, because Magneto is probably the most interesting "villain" in the genre. Or we can just wait 20 years for the inevitable reboot...

Re: It's just too damn busy...

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

And did you know the chick with the purple streak in her hair was Psylocke? 'Cause I sure as hell didn't. As for the rest I kept going, "Well that power looks vaguely familiar but I have no idea who they're supposed to be."

[laughingkat.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I love the X-Men universe. I have for a very long time.

When it comes to summer movies I can sometimes forgive bad plot devises and scenes written specifically to be able to do a cool effect. I can watch it for pure entertainment value.

However, what I find really annoying is when movies like this take HUGE liberties with the universe they take place in. The characters that were killed or had their powers stripped were so jarring to me that it pulled me out of the movie completely. Had it been isolated to Scott I might have been able to get past it, but I felt like I spent the whole movie asking WTF and not believing that what I was seeing was really what was happening.

I can't say it was all bad, as I too enjoyed what they did with Hank, but so many people are raving about the movie and I just don't understand why.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

You just didn't have any time in the film to actually mourn anyone. They gutted the emotional side of it in favor of throwing some more nameless random mutants on the screen. I just wanted to sit these guys down and say "If you're going to throw every mutant in the book at us, at least take the time to learn who they are, name them, and see to it that they use their powers properly." And it would've been really nice if they'd picked one main story and stuck to it rather than just tossing in plots whenever they felt like it. I didn't feel any resolution with the whole Warren intro, Beast was fun but ultimately not terribly deep, etc., etc. I should've felt something when Scott died, and even more so when Charles did, but I just didn't have time to mourn anybody before they were moving right along again.

[elenderel.livejournal.com]

After seeing this film I combed the internet looking for viewers' reviews and found that basically, anyone who's read the comix was bitterly disappointed by this release because so many things were just "off." Me, having never seen the comix version, couldn't speak to that but I certainly understand the frustration.

But even with my movie-only familiarity with the characters and story, some things were just not good. I felt bad for the dude with wings because his character was barely sketched out - seemed like he was only there to prove a point when he saves his father (and by then, I'd seen so many characters that I couldn't even recognize the guy as being his father - at that point I was like, Why the special music?). That poor kid got the shaft as far as the movie is concerned. Maybe he plays a bigger role in the comix.

I also wondered why the one mutant who turned into metal ... was going out to fight Magneto. I mean, hello! Seems to me I'd have advised that one to maybe, uh, tend to the home front or something.

Talk about happy endings ... how're we supposed to go from Logan's angst-o-rama one minute to watching him almost nonchalantly walk around in front of the school's rapidly-expanding cemetery? That actually pissed me off. Any depth he might've had as a character was lost.

I did actually enjoy the movie ... prolly because I've never read the comix ... but it helped to sit next to Riss and vent a little as it progressed, too. It seemed more thrown together with loads of characters and gratuitous special effects to make up for some of the garbage that made it in the final version.

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

Hee. In the comix, the kid with the wings is one of the original X-Men, like Beast and Cyclops, about a hundred issues before Wolverine shows up.
And yeah, I'm ready to accept a movie departing from the continuity of the work it's based on, but less so when it decides to toss out the continuity of earlier movies. q:
Brett Ratner is becoming a better director. He is still not a good director.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

OMG yes, I'd totally forgotten about the Colossus thing, Magneto really screwed up when he didn't use the kid against them. And yes Warren (Angel/Archangel) has much more to do in the comics. He was cute and angsty in this one but was just so much set dressing.

[psyfic.livejournal.com]

I'd read the book first and was SO looking forward to Bobby's nude scene. Hey, wait... HEY! Where's the nude scene?!! Gypped! I agree with your review. What a ... ugh. I wish they'd gone with Ian's suggestion and had him and Charles in bed together. Then again, that scene between the two of them in the beginning kind of made them canon, by my lights.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Bobby gets nude in the book? Ok...clearly I need to pick up a copy.

[honey-wheeler.livejournal.com]

I will tell you the one and only one moment that made me actually downright happy I was seeing the film, when they let Hank actually say, "Oh my stars and garters!"

Dude, me too!

Poor Scott, nobody even thought to ask about him except Logan

Seriously, that was WEAK. And Logan had his glasses! Didn't he think to himself, hey, wouldn't he need these? and then get concerned or suspicious? But no, gotta go get your groove on with Jean first. Scott? Scott who? Sigh.

Did anybody else have the mad impulse during the bit where Warren saves his old man to blurt out, "I love my gay mutant son!", or was that just me?

Not just you. I also had the mad impulse to giggle hysterically as he stood there shirtless, his bosoms heaving dramatically.

Also, how could anyone ever think that having Kitty call Juggernaut a dickhead wouldn't be the lamest lame that ever lamed? Come on now.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

When tersa pointed out that Warren's wings actually had a musical cue I giggled...until I saw it, and then I just felt like weeping. I think I really do need to pick up the novelization and see how much better Chris Claremont handled the whole thing. The fact that he single handedly saved X2's ending for me gives him major points in my book.

[shadowchaser44.livejournal.com]

Does this mean I can save my money and time and skip the movie entirely? :) Seems like the fans hated the movie, and the people who are unfamiliar with the comics are the ones who liked it. While I know nothing about the comics (except that Joss Whedon wrote some of them), I don't think this necessarily means I'll enjoy the movie.

I think I'll save my money and wait for The Lake House. Or even Snakes on a Plane. That's one I can't even tell my mother I want to see; she'd have a heart attack on the spot just from the title.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Oh the trailer for Snakes on a Plane was the high point of the two hours spent in that theater, I tell you. Aelf and I were just losing our shit when that ran on the big screen.

[shadowchaser44.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I saw the trailer a while ago, or at least an early version, in the theater. My first thought was, oh hell no, no way am I going to see that! I've since changed my mind. :)

[trystbat.livejournal.com]

I've only got a passing familiarity w/the original X-Men (my mom's a big fan), but I've taken the 3 movies as more 'inspired by' than anything else. And the movies all have the same basic faults -- cramming too many characters in, weak dialog, only 1 character developed per movie (if that).

Still, the flicks have been good fun for me. There are some fabulous actors hidden under there, & the do their best to rise above the weaknesses (I really dug Kelsey Grammar in this one -- oh my stars & garters indeed!). The basic mutant discrimination story is expressed well in each movie, esp. this last one. Plus, nifty costumes & flashy effects = summer popcorn movie, nothing more, nothing less.

Oh, you missed one of my biggest annoyances in this one: how come it was broad daylight when Magneto moved the Golden Gate Bridge & stuck it on Alcatraz, but then it was immediately pitch-black midnight when the battle started? Wtf???

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

I've got to say the whole Golden Gate bit, for me, falls under the category of "They just didn't care". It's like the goofs in Two Towers (barrels/no barrels and Pippin in bondage/no bondage/hey, bondage again!) only without the time pressures and my firm belief that Pete Jackson actually did care.

I guess I'm too emotionally attached to the characters to have felt that the casual way several big ones died was handled was fair to them. I mean Jesus, they lost their 3 main leaders within the span of a week or two and they put up a big stone marker and that's that? I've heard that Scott had to go due to behind the scenes shennanigans with the actor, but he was so shafted in this film. I mean we didn't even see him die, it was all just implied. And the fact that Logan finds his shades floating around and doesn't mention it to anyone for a good portion of the film was profoundly annoying. Even worse that nobody seemed interested enough to ask about him. I'm not a big Cyclops fan, but he was the leader of their team for pity's sake.

Again I come back to the thought that the comic series had a lot of really good plots that could've been incorporated into the film, handled well, and pleased both fans and general audiences alike. I mean who doesn't like giant killer robots? Send in the Sentinels and let the carnage begin, I say.

[senatorhatty.livejournal.com]

Perhaps it was because everyone I know panned it savagely, and I am contrary by nature, but I enjoyed X3.

I told myself after seeing the first one that this is NOT the comic book, and so comparing the two would bother me. So I try not to.

That said, I do have a laundry list of things I didn't like about the movie from a MOVIE standpoint. But it was summer fluff, so I try not to think about it too hard.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

If I'd seen X3 before X2 I might have a profoundly different take on it. X2, however, spoiled me rotten for how good an X-Men movie could be (except the end which was, admittedly, shite). Just the opening sequence with Nightcrawler dismantling the Secret Service without breaking a sweat and nearly killing the president, was enough to leave me utterly satisfied.

Of course I am a huge Nighty fangirl so that may have played a part as well...

[senatorhatty.livejournal.com]

I have a terrible media memory (it's something Aelf and I have in common). So I have to think hard before I remember WHY I liked X1 or X2. And by tomorrow I won't remember why I liked X3.

It works for me!

[canellaphile.livejournal.com]

I don't blame you at all for being disappointed, especially since you're clearly an X-Men comic fan from way back. I've heard similar critiques, and I also thought the emotional range in this film was almost worst than a badfic. It could have been a lot better! Maybe I was smoking crack just have lower expectations than some of the tried and true X-Men fans - I was entertained for what it was worth: $5.50. Then again, the HP films continue to disappoint me liek whoa, and I still love them. In both cases, NOTHING beats the original material - the genius of the books/graphic novels.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

I should amend my post by saying that the "crack smoking" line is in reference to those reviewers who wrote of this flick as if it were the greatest thing ever committed to film. I mean I loved X2 but still shred some of the pacing and dialogue...and I spit upon that sad excuse for an ending. But as much as I hated Jean getting off the Blackbird, at least the characters were given time to actually mourn her at the end. It was an emotionally powerful (if utterly brainless) death. In X3 there was simply no time given to 3 major deaths and the air of the end was "Hey, now we can live happily ever after."

Setting aside the mischaracterizations (hey, it's an interpretation of the stories and characters not a verbatim translation from comic to film, I get that), the plot holes, the glaring editing errors, Ian and Patrick totally phoning in their performances, the sad wire work and special effects, etc., etc. the film just felt like an emotional cheat.

[canellaphile.livejournal.com]

Ian and Patrick totally phoning in their performances...

Hahaha... you really hit the nail on the head with this one.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Not that I blame them, mind you, I mean they didn't have a whole lot to work with. If they'd gone with the Magneto redemption story I was hoping for I'm sure Ian would've sunk his teeth right into that.