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ebonlockSorry, I needed a break from the movie quotes so I think I'll try some song ones for a bit. I know, I know, how terribly cliche, but what are you gonna' do?
That refrain has been going through my mind a lot lately. I've been discussing a lot, and thus thinking a lot, about the past and relationships that have faded out of my life. I'm not very good about accepting the loss of a friendship or a love relationship, I cling, I cajole, I bully, I pester. I suppose I think on some level that means I'm expressing how much I care, how committed I am to hanging on to it. I don't think that's how others see it, though, I think they begin to see me as neurotic and a pest. I don't want to be perceived that way, but at the same time the idea of just giving up on someone strikes me as so fundamentally wrong.
When I invite someone into my life I don't do it lightly. I become friends with people because they impress and delight me, they're brilliant and wonderful and my life would be so much less without them in it. It sounds silly, I know, but that's just the way I feel about it. I cherish everyone in my life and it's hard to let go of those you adore.
Sometimes you have to, though, you have to let others get on with their lives and go in new directions that don't include you. The question for me is, how do I let someone know that it's all right to tell me that they no longer want me in their life, and more to the point, how do I make sure that I can accept it and move on?
How do you wash someone out of your mind? Do you fill up your life to the point where you don't have time to think about it? Do you throw yourself into new relationships to distract you from thinking about the old one? Do you sit at home brooding and feeling sorry for yourself? A combination of these? Perhaps I'm missing some option, some way of not feeling sad and depressed and, well, resentful that someone feels I have nothing to offer them.
But the biggest question is, how do I not hate myself for having "failed" the other person completely?
Any and all suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Crunches: 90
Philosophical quandries: 1
That refrain has been going through my mind a lot lately. I've been discussing a lot, and thus thinking a lot, about the past and relationships that have faded out of my life. I'm not very good about accepting the loss of a friendship or a love relationship, I cling, I cajole, I bully, I pester. I suppose I think on some level that means I'm expressing how much I care, how committed I am to hanging on to it. I don't think that's how others see it, though, I think they begin to see me as neurotic and a pest. I don't want to be perceived that way, but at the same time the idea of just giving up on someone strikes me as so fundamentally wrong.
When I invite someone into my life I don't do it lightly. I become friends with people because they impress and delight me, they're brilliant and wonderful and my life would be so much less without them in it. It sounds silly, I know, but that's just the way I feel about it. I cherish everyone in my life and it's hard to let go of those you adore.
Sometimes you have to, though, you have to let others get on with their lives and go in new directions that don't include you. The question for me is, how do I let someone know that it's all right to tell me that they no longer want me in their life, and more to the point, how do I make sure that I can accept it and move on?
How do you wash someone out of your mind? Do you fill up your life to the point where you don't have time to think about it? Do you throw yourself into new relationships to distract you from thinking about the old one? Do you sit at home brooding and feeling sorry for yourself? A combination of these? Perhaps I'm missing some option, some way of not feeling sad and depressed and, well, resentful that someone feels I have nothing to offer them.
But the biggest question is, how do I not hate myself for having "failed" the other person completely?
Any and all suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Crunches: 90
Philosophical quandries: 1
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no subject
Date: 2002-08-28 09:20 am (UTC)Your lives have woven together, and now they're being torn apart. There's going to be pain there. Anybody who tries to tell you different is selling something.
And I wish I knew how to let people go. Unless I've ushered them out myself, I don't like to let go either. Probably the ACoA thing plays into it--if somebody doesn't like me enough to hang out with me any more, then I feel like I've failed. If I could let people go when they want to go, I'd have a far easier and more pleasant life.
But, lucky me, I have the life I have. And it's an interesting one with lots of people that I adore having around me.
Re:
Date: 2002-08-28 09:22 am (UTC)