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Under pressure
May. 21st, 2002 08:22 amSo I've been having anxiety dreams lately, but last night's I actually remember with some clarity. It took place out here, rather than back home or at some undefined location. There was this creature pursuing me (though no explanation of why) and luckily it chased me into the bedroom where I keep my machete/sword, and I gave it what-for with the blade. Thing is, it came back to life a little later on. This time I hacked it up good and proper, even ground up some of the bones. Still it started coming back to life (regenerating like the super soldiers on XF). This apparently went on for some time as mallen finally came over, took a look, and gave me a brilliant suggestion. Why not cut it into seperate pieces and bury said pieces in nice metal boxes in different locations. It wasn't until after I'd done this that I began to wonder if this would backfire on me, causing each seperate body part to regenerate into an indepedent nasty organism that was sure to be peeved with me. That was when I woke up.
What's up with this, you ask? I think a lot of it has to deal with stressing over going home to visit my family this year. For most people this is either a) a pleasant thing or b) something to shrug off. Now it's not the visit itself that has me fretting, I adore my family and always love spending time with them. It's the getting to them and back thing that's got me freaked.
I've always been acrophobic and plane rides have never been easy for me. Suffice to say I'm a white-knuckle flyer at best. And then came September 11. I know most people don't get the fact that seeing one's worst fear come to pass on t.v., repeatedly, in one's home state, could have a negative effect on an already bad phobia. Indeed most folks now are counseling me to just take a pill, get over it and go. I'd like to do that, I really would.
The thing is the very thought of flying fills me with such intense dread right now that I can work myself into a mild panic attack pretty easily. I just don't think I could get on a plane right now unless, like Mr. T, I was drugged into unconsciousness and just woke up on the east coast.
Does this make me a coward? Possibly, I don't like that notion and a part of me wants to fly back home just to disprove it. But another part of me, that lizard brain part, is screaming at me not to do it. So I'm fretting, torn between two very powerful urges combined with one to not disappoint my family. Which way will this go? I dunno' at this point.
Crunches: 60
Anxiety disorders: 1
What's up with this, you ask? I think a lot of it has to deal with stressing over going home to visit my family this year. For most people this is either a) a pleasant thing or b) something to shrug off. Now it's not the visit itself that has me fretting, I adore my family and always love spending time with them. It's the getting to them and back thing that's got me freaked.
I've always been acrophobic and plane rides have never been easy for me. Suffice to say I'm a white-knuckle flyer at best. And then came September 11. I know most people don't get the fact that seeing one's worst fear come to pass on t.v., repeatedly, in one's home state, could have a negative effect on an already bad phobia. Indeed most folks now are counseling me to just take a pill, get over it and go. I'd like to do that, I really would.
The thing is the very thought of flying fills me with such intense dread right now that I can work myself into a mild panic attack pretty easily. I just don't think I could get on a plane right now unless, like Mr. T, I was drugged into unconsciousness and just woke up on the east coast.
Does this make me a coward? Possibly, I don't like that notion and a part of me wants to fly back home just to disprove it. But another part of me, that lizard brain part, is screaming at me not to do it. So I'm fretting, torn between two very powerful urges combined with one to not disappoint my family. Which way will this go? I dunno' at this point.
Crunches: 60
Anxiety disorders: 1
