Under pressure

[ebonlock]

So I've been having anxiety dreams lately, but last night's I actually remember with some clarity. It took place out here, rather than back home or at some undefined location. There was this creature pursuing me (though no explanation of why) and luckily it chased me into the bedroom where I keep my machete/sword, and I gave it what-for with the blade. Thing is, it came back to life a little later on. This time I hacked it up good and proper, even ground up some of the bones. Still it started coming back to life (regenerating like the super soldiers on XF). This apparently went on for some time as mallen finally came over, took a look, and gave me a brilliant suggestion. Why not cut it into seperate pieces and bury said pieces in nice metal boxes in different locations. It wasn't until after I'd done this that I began to wonder if this would backfire on me, causing each seperate body part to regenerate into an indepedent nasty organism that was sure to be peeved with me. That was when I woke up.

What's up with this, you ask? I think a lot of it has to deal with stressing over going home to visit my family this year. For most people this is either a) a pleasant thing or b) something to shrug off. Now it's not the visit itself that has me fretting, I adore my family and always love spending time with them. It's the getting to them and back thing that's got me freaked.

I've always been acrophobic and plane rides have never been easy for me. Suffice to say I'm a white-knuckle flyer at best. And then came September 11. I know most people don't get the fact that seeing one's worst fear come to pass on t.v., repeatedly, in one's home state, could have a negative effect on an already bad phobia. Indeed most folks now are counseling me to just take a pill, get over it and go. I'd like to do that, I really would.

The thing is the very thought of flying fills me with such intense dread right now that I can work myself into a mild panic attack pretty easily. I just don't think I could get on a plane right now unless, like Mr. T, I was drugged into unconsciousness and just woke up on the east coast.

Does this make me a coward? Possibly, I don't like that notion and a part of me wants to fly back home just to disprove it. But another part of me, that lizard brain part, is screaming at me not to do it. So I'm fretting, torn between two very powerful urges combined with one to not disappoint my family. Which way will this go? I dunno' at this point.

Crunches: 60
Anxiety disorders: 1

Comments

[tersa.livejournal.com]

Phobias are real, no matter how irrational they are. If you're really feeling that strongly about it, I would recommend talking to a p-sych (or even Laurie) to see if there's anything you can do about it. Having something positive and constructive to help you manage your fear would probably help immensely, I'd think.

Re:

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Yeah I do need to do that, but I don't think I'd be very receptive to it now. Maybe in a few months, I don't know, but not now. And definitely not around September...

Speaking as family...

[missjones.livejournal.com]

You know there is nothing I would like more than to have you come home for a visit, but none of us would want you to put yourself through this much anxiety over the thought of flying home. I know the cost involved with the train is astonomical, so why not just delay the trip until next year so you can be afforded the opportunity to save up the money? All of us will get over any disappointment we may feel. Don't make yourself sick over this.

I'm so there, too!

[esmerel.livejournal.com]

I *hate* flying. Hate. I get motion sick the instant a plane starts moving. That's always fun. :) You might want to try loading up on dramamine/bonine (same thing as dramamine, only chewable, and raspberry flavored!) and see if that'll help put you to sleep. Get a wooden crochet hook (it'll make it past a security scanner) and some yarn and work on a semi-complicated afghan. It helps me more than reading a book does.

Road trip?

[eilonwey.livejournal.com]

If you could take a couple weeks off, and could round up one or two other interested people, maybe you could make a road trip out of it? You could stop at some cool places along the way.

Re: Road trip?

[aelfsciene.livejournal.com]

I know I've been wanting to road-trip across the country ever since reading American Gods. ^_^ But Kit may kick my ass if I take time off and don't go to Alaska, so I'm not sure I'm actually free.

Re: Road trip?

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

I've been contemplating that, and even *shudder* the bus. It's definitely a thought.

Re: Road trip?

[eilonwey.livejournal.com]

Well, I hope that one of those options works out for you, and that maybe you could make a fun trip out of something that would otherwise be an inconvenience. I have never been afraid of flying, but I know that I have had moments of actual panic when getting in airplanes post-September 11th. I can only try to imagine what it must be like for you. I know that Neil and I have relatives who won't be making it out to our wedding because they are so afraid of flying these days. So you definitely shouldn't feel like you are the only one in this situation, or that you can easily "get over it" by exerting a little willpower.

Re: Road trip?

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

Yeah, if I could afford the time off from work I would be salable on the road trip idea, so you may well be able to round up enough solvent folks who are interested in the idea.

Dreams are like aloha

[(Anonymous)]

Dreams can mean any number of things so lets look at what was in the dream, an undefineable monster or force that kept comming back no matter how many times you delt with it on reasonable terms and your bedroom a place where you feel safe and yet you became trapped there because the monster keep comming back and the advice of a freind which you thought might backfire and cause you more grief. Now this is all very interesting, the thing you want to find out is what is the significance of each part and how they relate to each other and to yourself, but remember sometimes a dream is only a dream. I belive that fear is a very real thing though, not to be ignored but used as a survial tool, so whether you have a fear of comming home or flying or something else, there is something in there trying to tell you something just try and find out what it is. John

Re: Dreams are like aloha

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Yeah I'm trying to puzzle this one out, mainly I think it's just an anxiety dream that's not necessarily in need of further interpretation...but anyone with any background in Jung is welcome to chime in *G*