ebonlock: (Flying Spaghetti Monster)
University Nut Arrested After Attempting to Burninate Phelps Wackeroons:

Authorities arrested a Liberty University student for having several homemade bombs in his car.

The student, 19-year-old Mark D. Uhl of Amissville, Va., reportedly told authorities that he was making the bombs to stop protesters from disrupting the funeral service.

The devices were made of a combination of gasoline and detergent, a law enforcement official told ABC News’ Pierre Thomas. They were “slow burn,” according to the official, and would not have been very destructive.

“There were indications that there were others involved in the manufacturing of these devices and we are still investigating these individuals with the assistance of ATF, Virginia State Police and FBI. At this time it is not believed that these devices were going to be used to interrupt the funeral services at Liberty University,” the Campbell County Sheriff’s Office said in a release.

Three other suspects are being sought, one of whom is a soldier from Fort Benning, Ga., and another is a high school student. No information was available on the third suspect.


Gavin M. adds:

Honestly, in contemplating Fred Phelps getting blown up by a right-wing terrorist while waving anti-gay placards at Jerry Falwell’s funeral, ‘a tragedy averted’ is not the phrase that comes most readily to mind.


And then Some Guy breaks it all down for us:


Things are obviously getting confusing, so I’m going to clear up exactly what happened.

This Christian guy died, and a whole bunch of other Christians were going to mourn him, but these other Christians didn’t like that Christian guy, because he wasn’t Christian enough for their Christian beliefs, and he didn’t hate the Christian enemy, the fags, enough. So in order to stop those Christians from being an annoyance at the funeral for this Christian, this other Christian decided he was going to make some bombs and blow up the Christians. In the name of Christ.
ebonlock: (Jesus Pony)
The RudePundit comes up with a fitting eternal punishment for Falwell:

The Rude Pundit hopes that, after his death, Falwell awoke, and, much to his horror - eternal horror, as it will turn out, found himself in hell, nude, trussed up, his ass plugged with a spiky mace. Falwell looked around him and saw dancing demons with gigantic, barbed cocks and flames. Oh, shit, this wasn't the way it was supposed to be. And Falwell tried to speak, but he discovered he had no voice, no way to say anything, and no one to hear him that would care. Then, the demons would hold his mouth open and start to stuff his gullet, with the corpses of people who died of AIDS, with the burnt remains of men and women who keep dying in all the wars he helped support in the name of Israel and Armageddon, with cash, tons of cash, and his mansion, and his cars, and his school, and tapes of his Old-Time Gospel Hour, and his books and his recordings and every bit of evidence that he was ever on the earth above, shove into his fat mouth, his saggy ass cheeks quivering, needing to push it out, but unable to. Shove that in there until that bastard blows up, showering the giggling demons with his viscera and gore, and then let them eat his remains, shit out the pieces, put him back together, and start all over again.

Or, maybe even moreso, the Rude Pundit would like to think that, at the moment of his death, as he collapsed behind his desk, Falwell did not see any light, any path through the clouds, just a brief realization that this, indeed, was it, and that he was so very wrong, just before eternal darkness clouded his foul brain forever.


Amen.

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August 2013

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