Could it be...Satan?

[ebonlock]

Stephen Colbert covered this one last night, and his plan to combat it with Lou Dobbs and holy water was hysterical, but I just had to share the actual article with you. Yes, the GOP has now become Very Silly Party. The last train to Sanityville has left the station:

Convention ends with Satan and immigrants

Utah County Republicans ended their convention on Saturday by debating Satan's influence on illegal immigrants.

The group was unable to take official action because not enough members stuck around long enough to vote, despite the pleadings of party officials. The convention was held at Canyon View Junior High School.

Don Larsen, chairman of legislative District 65 for the Utah County Republican Party, had submitted a resolution warning that Satan's minions want to eliminate national borders and do away with sovereignty.

In a speech at the convention, Larsen told those gathered that illegal immigrants "hate American people" and "are determined to destroy this country, and there is nothing they won't do."

Illegal aliens are in control of the media, and working in tandem with Democrats, are trying to "destroy Christian America" and replace it with "a godless new world order -- and that is not extremism, that is fact," Larsen said. [Editor's note: Do you suppose by "godless new world order" he's referring to the neo-pagan conspiracy to take over the world and fill it with gay bathhouses and clone farms? If not I'm going to be so disappointed.]

At the end of his speech, Larsen began to cry, saying illegal immigrants were trying to bring about the destruction of the U.S. "by self invasion." [Editor's note: I would pay good money to see the video of this. SWEAR. TO. GOD.]

Republican officials then allowed speakers to defend and refute the resolution. One speaker, who was identified as "Joe," said illegal immigrants were Marxist and under the influence of the devil. Another, who declined to give her name to the Daily Herald, said illegal immigrants should not be allowed because "they are not going to become Republicans and stop flying the flag upside down. ... If they want to be Americans, they should learn to speak English and fly their flag like we do."
[...]
Larsen was allowed to finish the debate with a one-minute speech.

"If the Democrats take over the country, we will be dead, and we will have abortion and partial-birth abortion and the Republican Party will go into extinction," he said. "Nancy Pelosi and the ACLU would oppose this (resolution)."

Caleb Warnock

Comments

[moonlightnrain.livejournal.com]

I used to date a woman who was into self invasion. She liked me to watch. It just never did much for me. Wait, that is what he meant, right?

[scoreboard.livejournal.com]

I am intrigued by your theories and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

[moonlightnrain.livejournal.com]

I don't think there is a way for you to UNSUBSCRIBE, sir. ;)

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Clearly you are a part of the neo-pagan new world order.

[canellaphile.livejournal.com]

*snarf on mah screen*

[moonlightnrain.livejournal.com]

I WIN!

[pikabot]

What?

...what?

I mean...WHAT?

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

These are the days when I need my Brock Samsom "This is getting stupid!" icon...

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

See? See how opressed they are?
If Democrats take over the country (like, I'm guessing, they did in 1993) every single Republican will sudden have his crystal flash red and black and have to report to Carousel (like, I'm guessing, they did in 1993), where they will be forced to have man-on-box-turtle sex and then have an abortion before being executed live on HBO.
And you don't want that, do you?

PS: Yes, the ACLU would oppose this resolution. Because they still have two collective brain cells.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Dude you are totally forgetting the clone farms. It's the lynchpin of the entire conspiracy.

[scoreboard.livejournal.com]

No, the clone farms are real. Ask the Giants' third-baseman if you don't believe me. Or I'll send you his team pic from 2002, and my pic from 2002, and you can see for yourself ;]

BATCH LOT 6A35 FTW!!!

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

No I'm not, but the clone farms won't really kick in until at least six months after inauguration day, and by that time all good reich-thinking Americans will be dead and a "Best of Carousel" DVD will already be on the remainders table at BlockBuster.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Is it wrong of me to be rather looking forward to a slo-mo version of Rush Limbaugh floating around desperately in low-G as laser beams target his fat ass?

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

If that's wrong then I don't want to be right.

[canellaphile.livejournal.com]

LOLOL this entire thread....

The Republicans are so dang oppressed by this clearly legitimate conspiracy.
/sarcasm

[senatorhatty.livejournal.com]

There's a book called Rule by Secrecy written by an LDS author that really does posit that a secret government controlled by Satan's minions is, among other things, attempting to create one world nation.

It's complicated to explain, but to a knowledgeable and pious Latter Day Saint, one-world government is an evil if only because it's not part of the future as revealed to the LDS leadership. The Satanic minions part makes it extra bad.

Anyway, I can totally understand the concern if a) you're a devout LDS and b) you make the assumotion that an author has legitimacy by dint of the fact that he, too, is a devout LDS.

[senatorhatty.livejournal.com]

I wish I could edit comments of mine. It's LJ's biggest weakness aside from inconsistent site performance.

[chrisber.livejournal.com]

"If the Democrats take over the country, we will be dead, and we will have abortion and partial-birth abortion and the Republican Party will go into extinction,"

Would that it were that easy....

[canellaphile.livejournal.com]

Illegal aliens are in control of the media, and working in tandem with Democrats, are trying to "destroy Christian America" and replace it with "a godless new world order -- and that is not extremism, that is fact," Larsen said.

Who is slipping this guy the wacky pills?
Somehow I think a lot of Christian Americans would be disturbed to hear that this guy is claiming to represent all of them. Also, most of the immigrated folks I know are from Mexico or Latin America, and are, well, strongly Catholic. Hmmm.

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

As I understand it, Catholics (like LDS) aren't really Christians. They don't believe that Jesus was the Christ in the proper way of believing so they're ... Satan's minions, I guess.

[canellaphile.livejournal.com]

Ohhhhh. Thanks for clearing that up for me. I suppose not really knowing the difference between Catholics and Christians makes me... one of Satan's minions, too. Ironically. Oops.

[phillipalden.livejournal.com]

"Illegal aliens are in control of the media, and working in tandem with Democrats, are trying to "destroy Christian America" and replace it with "a godless new world order -- and that is not extremism, that is fact,"

Just when I thought these people could not get any crazier they impress me once again with a whole new level of insanity. I just can't quite wrap my mind around the concept of believing this whacked-out crap.

Illegal aliens control our media? Would that be Fox News or CNN or Rush's radio show?

Fucking unbelievable!