...to seek the assistance of Heaven in all its dealings

[ebonlock]

Ok, so I just caught up on good old H. RES. 153 and thought I'd check to see who voted which way. Well it turns out my own representative, Michael Honda voted yea, I intend to drop Mike a quick note today to let him know that this is one registered voter whose vote he's lost in the next election.

Right now Democrats are so busy doing the Patriotic Two-Step (so as to remain Americans in Good Standing) that they're checking their principles at the door. Were we not currently engaged in hostilities with Iraq he and every other liberal in Congress would be screaming bloody murder and howling about the seperation of Church and State. But the entire Democratic Party seems to be practically wetting itself, hell I can smell the fear sweat all the way out here. It's almost enough to make me tear my voter registration card into tiny pieces and scatter them in the closest port-a-potty I can find.

Since when was prayer and fasting considered an American's patriotic duty?

Well I have just one thing to say about it, "Fuck that."

I had this dream last night that I'd like to share now.

We open in the House of Representatives shortly after the votes are tallied on Good Old 153:

Forty-nine ill at ease reps rub their foreheads with exhaustion and wonder where it all went wrong. Three hundred forty six smug Republicans and urine stained Democrats pat one another on the back and we hear snippets of patriotic rhubarb. "Whereas, on March 16, 1776, the Continental Congress, recognizing that the `Liberties of America are imminently endangered' and the need `to acknowledge the overruling Providence of God', called for a day of `Humiliation, Fasting and Prayer'...doesn't it make you feel all tingly inside?"

One of the bitter forty-nine growls, "Well you certainly got the 'humiliation' part right."

"Sour grapes, traitor."

Suddenly a rumbling growl is heard coming ever closer to the chamber. Nervous looks are exchanged, turning quickly to fear and shouts of terror as one of the walls collapses inward. Smoke, debris and dust clog the air as a small tank rumbles to a halt on the scattered remains of brick and wood paneling. The upper hatch opens and an attractive, if somewhat butch young woman climbs out of the top. In one hand she carries a bottle of Guinness, in the other a baseball bat draped lazily over her shoulder. She seems to resemble Lori Petty...

"Oy," she chirps, hopping down with feline grace. Another head pops up in the turret...resembling a rather malformed kangaroo. He grins and waves lazily to several of the representatives. "Which of you wankers voted for 153."

Silence descends, which seems to displease the rather militant young woman. "I said, who voted for that assinine resolution? Come on you fucking pussies, speak up." Suddenly she turns on one quivering man attempting to hide under a desk, "You! I know you, don't you represent those granola-eating, sandal-wearing hippies in the Bay Area?"

He nods rather reluctantly, and she sets her ale down long enough to haul him out into the light. "Got a question for ya. You want to tell me that you think those tree-hugging malcontents who voted you into office approve of this resolution of yours 'designating a day for humility, prayer, and fasting for all people of the United States', you think they want you to legislate things like '...seek[ing] guidance from God to achieve a greater understanding of our own failings and to learn how we can do better in our everyday activities'?"

"I...uh..."

"You seriously think the liberals that you and your party are supposed to be here representing are gonna' thank you for bending over and taking it up the ass without lube from the whack-jobs that proposed this resolution?"

"Damn right." the bizarre kangaroo drawls, taking a drag off a cigarette.

"I'm just trying to be patriotic! I mean it's goddamn political suicide not to follow the herd right now."

"That may be so, 'specially if you look at politics as a career rather than a duty. But see, man, you promised those folks who voted you into office that you'd be here in Washington supporting their values and principles."

"But..but it's the Republicans' fault, they started all this..."

"No, man, don't even start that shit. I may think they're a bunch of loonies whose main agendas are taking away the rights of any group they disagree with, running this country as a theocracy, and making sure the rich get richer while the rest of us suck it up. But at least they're honest about their intentions. Yeah, they're in bed with the Christian Coalition, and they're fuckin' proud of it. What you see is what you get with them, and I respect that. But you two-faced, sniveling shits who claim to stand for liberal ideals and bend like wet spaghetti the first time someone uses the "t" word...well, if I wasn't so fond of this bat I'd stick it up your ass so you could use it as a backbone."

She releases the terrified rep, picks her ale back up and climbs back into the tank. Lifting one of the munitions up, she adds, "Just so's ya know, the first person who tries to mandate prayer and fasting for me gets one of these up the backside." Both heads disappear down into the bowels of the armored vehicle, and with a tremendous roar, it disappears back out the hole it created.

It really was a lovely dream.

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[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Etymology: New Latin, from English hysteric, adjective, from Latin hystericus, from Greek hysterikos, from hystera womb; from the Greek notion that hysteria was peculiar to women and caused by disturbances of the uterus

"I sense a disturbance in the Uterus"

Oooh, you get the gold star for today!