ebonlock | The Ballad of Cuntface McGee

Brendan posts the perfect response to this Anne Applebaum piece in the WaPo, and sort of sums up the past 5 years of Bush admin foreign policy at the same time:

But what is MOST hilarious to me is that now that the US finds itself in a pickle of our own making, which included alienating allies like France and Germany by calling them “Old Europe”, Anne continues with the insults while wondering why no one wants to help pick up the pieces. Hey Anne, you forgot Poland: they’re from your “New Europe” that already left us in Iraq, along with Bulgaria.

But let’s get back to this “Old Europe” nonsense that Anne insists on clinging to, like her Don Rumsfeld teddy bear. “Old Europe” has unfortunately seeped into our national vocabulary the same way “Democrat Party” is used consistently by Conservatives and Republicans as a passive aggressive barb. It’s the same thing as giving someone an unflatering nickname and expecting them to embrace it. Let’s try that experiment.

Let’s say I know someone named… oh, let’s say Anne Applebaum. And let’s say I give her a nickname that she doesn’t like. How’s about I call her “CuntFace Mcgee”: that’s pretty offensive.

So I have this tree in my backyard, and I decide I need to prune some branches. But Anne, who has some experience pruning trees, points out that I’m going about it all wrong. “Brendan,” she says, “Don’t saw off that enormous branch over your stained glass skylight. Not only will the falling branch break the glass, but you’re sitting on the branch itself, and by sawing it off, you’re gonna fall like 50 feet and break your leg.”

“Whatever, CuntFace McGee,” I say. “CuntFace McGee, you don’t know anything. You know why? Because you have a face that looks like your cunt! So back off bitch!” (Not that I would ever talk like that). And I go along merrily on my way, sawing off branches. Then disaster hits: just like my neighbor warned, the branch crashes into my skylight, I go plummeting into a garbage can, and break my leg.

“AAAAGHHHH! My leg, my leg!,” I yell. “Hey CuntFace, come help me out! I’m stuck in a garbage can with a broken leg, help me out CuntFace!”

No answer.

So I yell louder, “Hey CUNTFACE! CuntFace, where the fuck are you? You know, this downed limb is dangerous to your house too, especially if the whole tree dies and falls over. Then where will you be CuntFace, huh? Awww, c’mon CuntFace, what’s the big deal? Help me out here!”

Can you see how Anne might have a problem with helping me out? And how I have a problem not recognizing that I’m still alienating my neighbor?
[...]
Shorter Applebaum: The US fucked everything up, but you have to fix it. Cuntface.