...and Tom Ridge twitching in the corner
Apr. 12th, 2006 12:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ebonlockI have no idea whether this post is for real, but it is one of the most hilarious things I've read in ages, regardless:
These are some facts I have witnessed and learned through my employment. Take it at face value, believe it or don't believe it, because I'm not providing corroborating pictures, details, or evidence beyond my own testimony.
[...]
Donald Rumsfeld needs to wear iced underwear because of some medical condition, and he has his secret service detail hold his spares. He was recently getting uncontrollable long-term erections and had to change up his medical treatments. The underwear and the erections is why he uses a standing desk, not because he is some super-man. He also wears nylon stockings, not because he's gay, but to control some vascular problem with his legs which causes him intense pain.
President Bush uses anti-depressant medication, a lot of it, at a stupendous dosage, and he is hiding it from the American public. This is the real reason he stopped drinking. Because of the dosage, he is also impotent.
Tom Ridge carries 20 credit cards with him at all times, each one with a very low limit. I have never heard of him using one, ever, but he has them. He also wears his socks inside-out, and will flip the fuck out and walk strangely if he is forced to wear them properly, because it drives him crazy. All of his socks must be laundered right side in and then turned inside out before they are returned to him. He gave specific instructions about handling his food, and not allowing his vegetables to touch any other food item on the plate. His utensils must be steamed over boiling water. He will not eat soup which hasn't been boiled within the past 20 minutes or which he has not prepared himself. If any of these rules are violated, he flies into a rage, turns beet red, and will not eat a single thing. He has his personal attendants confirm over and over that the food is as he likes it. He also shaves his forearms and hands because he can't stand the idea of body hair on his arms. He demands that his bedsheets are bleach white and changed fresh every night and he sleeps in a separate bed in a big, tight, body-length nylon sleeve, with a fan blowing over him at full power. He is terrified of animals which have fur or hair longer than one inch, and will not go near curly hair of any kind, even on people. At one time he ran from his office and demanded that someone look under everything for a rodent which did not and could not exist, then he had the entire place wiped down with disinfectant and vacuumed twice. While this was done he couldn't even bear to look at the door, or come within 20 feet of his office. He was in hysterics.
Again, this might be entirely a flight of fantasy, but I've got to say the Ridge stuff is just killing me. Oh and there's more, so much more. Part of me wants to believe this anonymous insider is actually Colin Powell getting his revenge at last. The poster's answers to some of the questions he received are pretty interesting too. Have to say I liked his take on what could actually fix our currently broken government:
A) Democrats win clear majority in either House or Senate and initiate investigations.
B) Massive campaign finance reform,
C) supreme court's money = free speech ruling overturned,
D) corporations no longer given the rights of people.
Edit: While I'm at it
E) End all tax subsidies. Fuck, reform the entire tax code.
F) Bring back the estate tax and sharply tax estates worth over 50 million.
G) Switch back to a college grant system instead of a loan system
H) Pass a law making it an ethics violation to appoint anyone who has helped with your campaign to any judicial or administrative positions.
Amen to that, brother.
These are some facts I have witnessed and learned through my employment. Take it at face value, believe it or don't believe it, because I'm not providing corroborating pictures, details, or evidence beyond my own testimony.
[...]
Donald Rumsfeld needs to wear iced underwear because of some medical condition, and he has his secret service detail hold his spares. He was recently getting uncontrollable long-term erections and had to change up his medical treatments. The underwear and the erections is why he uses a standing desk, not because he is some super-man. He also wears nylon stockings, not because he's gay, but to control some vascular problem with his legs which causes him intense pain.
President Bush uses anti-depressant medication, a lot of it, at a stupendous dosage, and he is hiding it from the American public. This is the real reason he stopped drinking. Because of the dosage, he is also impotent.
Tom Ridge carries 20 credit cards with him at all times, each one with a very low limit. I have never heard of him using one, ever, but he has them. He also wears his socks inside-out, and will flip the fuck out and walk strangely if he is forced to wear them properly, because it drives him crazy. All of his socks must be laundered right side in and then turned inside out before they are returned to him. He gave specific instructions about handling his food, and not allowing his vegetables to touch any other food item on the plate. His utensils must be steamed over boiling water. He will not eat soup which hasn't been boiled within the past 20 minutes or which he has not prepared himself. If any of these rules are violated, he flies into a rage, turns beet red, and will not eat a single thing. He has his personal attendants confirm over and over that the food is as he likes it. He also shaves his forearms and hands because he can't stand the idea of body hair on his arms. He demands that his bedsheets are bleach white and changed fresh every night and he sleeps in a separate bed in a big, tight, body-length nylon sleeve, with a fan blowing over him at full power. He is terrified of animals which have fur or hair longer than one inch, and will not go near curly hair of any kind, even on people. At one time he ran from his office and demanded that someone look under everything for a rodent which did not and could not exist, then he had the entire place wiped down with disinfectant and vacuumed twice. While this was done he couldn't even bear to look at the door, or come within 20 feet of his office. He was in hysterics.
Again, this might be entirely a flight of fantasy, but I've got to say the Ridge stuff is just killing me. Oh and there's more, so much more. Part of me wants to believe this anonymous insider is actually Colin Powell getting his revenge at last. The poster's answers to some of the questions he received are pretty interesting too. Have to say I liked his take on what could actually fix our currently broken government:
A) Democrats win clear majority in either House or Senate and initiate investigations.
B) Massive campaign finance reform,
C) supreme court's money = free speech ruling overturned,
D) corporations no longer given the rights of people.
Edit: While I'm at it
E) End all tax subsidies. Fuck, reform the entire tax code.
F) Bring back the estate tax and sharply tax estates worth over 50 million.
G) Switch back to a college grant system instead of a loan system
H) Pass a law making it an ethics violation to appoint anyone who has helped with your campaign to any judicial or administrative positions.
Amen to that, brother.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 08:26 pm (UTC)I'd love to see some of this come to light. Especially the anti-depressants....
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 09:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 10:17 pm (UTC)-R.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-12 10:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-04-13 02:18 am (UTC)