![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ebonlockSounds as if the Beltway Sniper just got another victim. You know if these events were happening in a film I'd be getting very frustrated with the hero for not putting a stop to it. Of course if it were happening in a movie the hero and villain would be getting ready for their ultimate showdown in which the sniper would get his just desserts and the hero would get the pretty girl.
Too bad it's happening in the real world.
Anyway, a mini update of yesterday's events first. Gods I was glad to get back to class last night, I missed it more than I possibly thought I would. It also helped that we actually *danced* last night rather than just going through a series of standard movements for an hour. On the other hand I don't think I'm ever going to hear "Feliz Navidad" again without shuddering. It will undoubtedly haunt my dreams for years to come.
Then went home to be mightily impressed by the Sharks in period one, then horrified by periods two and three. Defense? What is this defense you speak of? The sad thing is that as soon as a team scores against us they're almost certain to do so again because we get totally hysterical and lose all focus. We change from a team that wants to win to a team that's certain it's going to lose. It's a sad, sad thing.
While the game was stinking up our back room, the housemate and I got all the posters hung that we really wanted to, particularly in the office. We were both exhausted by the end of the marathon hanging, but felt like we'd really accomplished something. And we felt like the last major project is now done, so it's just a matter of doing touch ups just before guests arrive. Yay!
I keep having that new Incubus song floating around my head, particularly the phrase, "She called out a warning, 'Don't ever let life pass you by.'" One of the great horrors of my life is the thought that someday I'll look back and regret all the things I missed out on. That life will somehow pass by me while I sit spinning my wheels and wondering where all the time went.
I abhor stagnation, it was one of the major reasons I moved out here in the first place. I knew I wasn't going to grow or develop or do anything of any real significance back home. I was dying a little every day back there and I knew I had to make some major changes if I truly wanted to avoid that fate. So I took a chance and moved 3,000 miles away, made new friends, a new life for myself, threw my heart away for the first time, learned skills I thought I'd never know, saw things I didn't think I'd ever see.
Not that it's all been wonderful by any stretch of the imagination, far from it, but it was different and full of risks, and I've done some amazing growing up because of it. It was a challenge and I thrive on that, sometimes to the point of making my life much more difficult than it needs to be.
It's like I always want to reach this plateau where things are comfortable and I'm content, but as soon as I do I feel unfulfilled and start looking for a newer, higher plateau to aim for and the struggle starts all over again.
I guess I need to learn to be satisfied, but by the same token I don't want to become complacent. I always want something to strive for, but not at the cost of what I already have. It is, alas, a completely typical Gemini mindset.
In the end I suppose what it comes down to is figuring out just what it is that I truly want out of life and doing my best to achieve it. But what do I really want? The problem is I don't think I know. It's something to think about I suppose.
Well, guess that's enough philosophy for a Tuesday morning, thanks to everyone who bothered reading this far.
Too bad it's happening in the real world.
Anyway, a mini update of yesterday's events first. Gods I was glad to get back to class last night, I missed it more than I possibly thought I would. It also helped that we actually *danced* last night rather than just going through a series of standard movements for an hour. On the other hand I don't think I'm ever going to hear "Feliz Navidad" again without shuddering. It will undoubtedly haunt my dreams for years to come.
Then went home to be mightily impressed by the Sharks in period one, then horrified by periods two and three. Defense? What is this defense you speak of? The sad thing is that as soon as a team scores against us they're almost certain to do so again because we get totally hysterical and lose all focus. We change from a team that wants to win to a team that's certain it's going to lose. It's a sad, sad thing.
While the game was stinking up our back room, the housemate and I got all the posters hung that we really wanted to, particularly in the office. We were both exhausted by the end of the marathon hanging, but felt like we'd really accomplished something. And we felt like the last major project is now done, so it's just a matter of doing touch ups just before guests arrive. Yay!
I keep having that new Incubus song floating around my head, particularly the phrase, "She called out a warning, 'Don't ever let life pass you by.'" One of the great horrors of my life is the thought that someday I'll look back and regret all the things I missed out on. That life will somehow pass by me while I sit spinning my wheels and wondering where all the time went.
I abhor stagnation, it was one of the major reasons I moved out here in the first place. I knew I wasn't going to grow or develop or do anything of any real significance back home. I was dying a little every day back there and I knew I had to make some major changes if I truly wanted to avoid that fate. So I took a chance and moved 3,000 miles away, made new friends, a new life for myself, threw my heart away for the first time, learned skills I thought I'd never know, saw things I didn't think I'd ever see.
Not that it's all been wonderful by any stretch of the imagination, far from it, but it was different and full of risks, and I've done some amazing growing up because of it. It was a challenge and I thrive on that, sometimes to the point of making my life much more difficult than it needs to be.
It's like I always want to reach this plateau where things are comfortable and I'm content, but as soon as I do I feel unfulfilled and start looking for a newer, higher plateau to aim for and the struggle starts all over again.
I guess I need to learn to be satisfied, but by the same token I don't want to become complacent. I always want something to strive for, but not at the cost of what I already have. It is, alas, a completely typical Gemini mindset.
In the end I suppose what it comes down to is figuring out just what it is that I truly want out of life and doing my best to achieve it. But what do I really want? The problem is I don't think I know. It's something to think about I suppose.
Well, guess that's enough philosophy for a Tuesday morning, thanks to everyone who bothered reading this far.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
hmn
Date: 2002-10-22 09:40 am (UTC)And I tend to feel the same way as you whenever I hear that song; "damnit, I'm not doing enough with my life!" Not that I'm not constantly busy, or even more or less happy with how things are, but it seems like there should be more, somehow. So many other things I'd like to try or learn or experience. But, again, if I can't focus on any one thing, I'll never really excel at anything, and I thrive on competition, pushing myself to be the best at something. I'm just not sure where that focus is right now, and sometimes worry that life's, well, passing me by while I look for it. Or while I change it, again and again. I dunno. At least I can be somewhat content with the little things, like getting stuff done in the house, reading books off my library list, that sort of thing. It just doesn't feel like enough, when I actually think about it.
Re: hmn
Date: 2002-10-22 10:15 am (UTC)Yep, gold star for you.
. I'm just not sure where that focus is right now, and sometimes worry that life's, well, passing me by while I look for it. Or while I change it, again and again. I dunno. At least I can be somewhat content with the little things, like getting stuff done in the house, reading books off my library list, that sort of thing. It just doesn't feel like enough, when I actually think about it.
Yeah that's pretty much what I'm talking about. I know a lot of people with long term goals, i.e. I want to settle down and raise a family or I want to retire at the age of 40 or whatever. I just don't always feel like I have them myself. I want to be successful at my work, but I'm not real picky about what it is I'm doing. I'm not ambitious about my career in that I want to climb some ladder or make scads of money. I like being comfortable but I don't like the thought of working so hard I don't have time for anything else.
I think I'd like some kind of long term relationship, but it just doesn't seem feasible for me. Kids are not really on my agenda, but a nice house full of animals, lots of land to spread out on and plant green growing things in, good friends, that sort of thing I guess is about as close as I get to anything long term.