ebonlock | It was probably #46.

This so kicked my ass this morning:
From the

venturebrothers community-

A CHRISTMAS MESSAGE FROM THE MONARCH

Each year around this time, in accordance with the "spirit of giving" attributed to the Christmas holiday, Dr. Girlfriend and I like to give a little something back to our "family" of loyal henchmen. We gather them in the throne room just before midnight, ladle them each a 9 oz. SiloTM brand plastic cup of mulled wine, and perform a classic Christmas song, skit or play for them. We even invite #46, who, before renouncing his faith and pledging allegiance to The Monarch, was partially Jewish.

Over the years we've done scenes from such timeless yuletide chestnuts as Scrooge, It's a Wonderful Life, March of the Wooden Soldiers (I was the boogeyman in plaid, Dr. Girlfriend played Little Bo Peep), and Citizen Kane.

This year, no such festivities will take place.

"Why?" you ask? Because Dr. Girlfriend left me. And I'm incarcerated. And Phantom Limb is an ass. My Christmas wish would be for the henchmen to get together this year without us, raise a cup in our honor, and admirably perform their own rendition of, perhaps, "White Christmas" or maybe a scene from The Santa Clause. However, as per my explicit instructions upon being sentenced to this cinder-blocked hell, the henchmen demolished our cocoon headquarters and fled underground. At least they should have. They better have – those were my explicit instructions.

What follows is an illegal and unethical recording of our Christmas 1999 performance, in which we reenacted David Bowie and "Bing" Crosby's stunning and melodic duet of "The Little Drummer Boy." Attempts have been made to locate and terminate the misguided henchman responsible for leaking this recording to the informational superhighway, but it's been a difficult task. Did I mention I'm in PRISON?!?

#46. It was probably #46.

- The Monarch