EVERYONE SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE GODDAMN HELL UP.

[ebonlock]

cleolinda has her latest masterpiece up over on her m15m list: HP: And the Prisoner of Azkaban
Fave quote:

SNAPE: EVERYONE SIT DOWN AND SHUT THE GODDAMN HELL UP.

CLEO: Dude, this is so totally how I would teach a class.


Although the repeated use of "I think I saw a porno like this once." is also quite masterful.

Heard on the radio today somebody saying there was talk of putting Reagan's face on the ten dollar bill. *sigh*

Oh, got my first b-day present from my sis in London. She always manages to give me much cooler gifts than I do her, but she's in London fer chrissakes so I refuse to feel bad about that. I now have a very cool book, a gorgeous museum replica silver ring (with the inscription "Think of me, God willing" in French with a little crossed heart) and the most gorgeous skirt I've ever seen. Good thing I've got some parties coming up that I can wear it to. Although if I should put on even an ounce it will cease to fit.



Watched two episodes last night and I felt slightly dirty by the end. Saw the one with the ball during which I kept screaming at the captain and courtesan characters, "Jesus god will you two please just fuck each other?!" Most. Painfully. Unrealistic. Sexual. Tension. Ever. One cute scene with the pilot and a mostly naked Gina Torres could not cancel out the evil that is Kaylee (or as I refer to her, "Smurfette") and the most HIDEOUS DRESS IN THE UNIVERSE! Argh, my eyes, my eyes!

But not even that ep could prepare me for the horror that was "Safe". I kept looking for Joel and the bots in the lower part of the screen and realizing sadly that they weren't going to be able to save me. This thing didn't have plot holes, it had plot chasms, and I kept moaning "Joss, why hast thou forsaken me?" I know he can do better, I've seen it, so what the hell went wrong? Does this series mark Whedon's descent into crack addiction? It would explain so much.

If it was just me I'd think perhaps I was just some cynical old grouch, but Aelf was right there with me. We actually had to sit and grouse about "Safe" until we'd gotten it out of our systems. Neither of us could bear watching any more, but we're determined to make it as far as "Out of Gas" as I've heard it's a great episode and may change my mind. Unless it includes Kaylee's horrible, bloody, agonizing death I'm not sure if can save the series for me. Lord knows if I'd seen "Safe" (or more likely, only part of it) during its original run I'd never have even attempted to watch the show.

Right, end rant.

Comments

[senatorhatty.livejournal.com]

You're kidding about Firefly, right?

I guess I should have skipped over the cut tag. Cos while I can see not liking Firefly, what I CAN'T see is thinking that it compares unfavorably to Joss's other work.

That dress was pretty terrible, though.

Ok, I lied

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

My actual favorite bit from this one...

HERMIONE: If you want to kill Harry, you’ll have to kill us first!

HP FANS: OMGWTF THAT WAS RON’S LINE! YOU CHANGED THINGS FROM THE BOOK!

LOTR FANS: What are you, new?

SIRIUS: Only one person will die tonight, but I will be vague about it so that you’ll think I mean Harry!

HARRY: BRING! IT! ON!

Harry jumps Sirius and gets his chokehold on.

LUPIN [rushing in]: Harry, no! EXPELLIARMUS!

THE KIDS: Lupin!

SIRIUS: Remus!

LUPIN: Sirius!

SIRIUS: Hug!

HERMIONE: Werewolf!

RON AND HARRY: What?

SNAPE: BLACK!

THE KIDS: Snape!

SNAPE: EXPELLIARMUS!

LUPIN: Noooo!

SIRIUS: Pettigrew!

THE KIDS: What?

SIRIUS: Map!

LUPIN: Dead!

SIRIUS: No!

LUPIN: Yes!

SIRIUS: No!

LUPIN: Yes!

SIRIUS: No!

LUPIN: Yes!

SNAPE: Christ, you two bicker like an old married couple.

SIRIUS/LUPIN SHIPPERS: YAY!

SNAPE: ANYWAY. Dementors’ Kiss for you, Black, and I’ll have no more of this monosy—

HARRY [with Hermione’s wand]: EXPELLIARMUS!

EXPELLIARMUS: *for some reason does not just disarm Snape but throws him through the wall of the Shack*

RON: Oh, we are so fucked now.

[mister-sunshine.livejournal.com]

I thought 'Safe', 'Shindig', and 'Heart of Gold' were really bad episodes. (Joss didn't write those, BTW.) 'Out of Gas' was cute, but I liked 'Objects in Space' the most.

Oddly enough, I find the Kaylee character really damn sexy.

[technocowboy.livejournal.com]

Of course it was terrible. It was -supposed- to be terrible. Otherwise, she wouldn't have gotten all beaten down by those bitchez at the party. She knows her ships, but a fashion plate, she ain't.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

I thought 'Safe', 'Shindig', and 'Heart of Gold' were really bad episodes. (Joss didn't write those, BTW.) 'Out of Gas' was cute, but I liked 'Objects in Space' the most.

Ok, so Safe and Shindig were bad, ok, good, the universe is starting to make more sense to me. I feel a sense of calm now, thank you. I will try to make it as far as Objects in Space then.

Oddly enough, I find the Kaylee character really damn sexy.

Stop, please, you're scaring me.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Of course it was terrible. It was -supposed- to be terrible. Otherwise, she wouldn't have gotten all beaten down by those bitchez at the party. She knows her ships, but a fashion plate, she ain't.

But..but have you seen the sign on her quarters? The flowers...the butterflies...oh god I'm starting to feel nauseas again. I'm sure it makes me an awful person to say this but I fantasize about her being sucked into one of her ship's engines and turned into a fine, gooey paste...slowly...

[centerfire.livejournal.com]

I thought Shindig and Safe were two of the weaker episodes, admittedly. But if nothing else there's some nice character development bits there.

I'm not sure why you say that the sexual tension between Inara and Mal is unrealistic. I agree that Shindig lays it on pretty thick, though.

I think the reason I like Kaylee is that she's such a departure from all those serious-minded Starfleet engineers we've had for decades. But the dress was godawful.

[technocowboy.livejournal.com]

Finish the series. She gets less fluffy. Not a lot, but she does get less fluffy.

[lil-m-moses.livejournal.com]

Personally, I identify with Kaylee - she's the woman in a man's world, more comfortable being a tomboy with her machines than dressing up all pretty or being social or even off fighting wars, but she is still a girl and occasionally wants to express that. She's young and a little naive, but at the same time, she can hold her own and get the job done.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

I thought Shindig and Safe were two of the weaker episodes, admittedly. But if nothing else there's some nice character development bits there.

Maybe I blinked and missed it, but what character development exactly? As near as I can tell the captain sort of teeters wildly between obnoxious asshole and Shane-type "man of few words and fists of steel". Kaylee is restricted to "Gosh, aren't I cute?" (rest of crew, "Gee, she's cute, isn't she?").
Jayne is pretty much, "I SHOOT YOU!" (which, I might add, I kinda respect), Zoe is "I'm hot, but also tough, like Xena in Han Solo pants.", the pilot "Dude I'm married to Gina Torres.", Doc "Ack, must save sister!", Sister "I'm just a plot point with bad hair.", Preacher "I'm straight from an abbey and unused to the harsh ways of your universe, except when I am used to them, and did I mention I have super secret and cool Alliance ties?"

I'm not sure why you say that the sexual tension between Inara and Mal is unrealistic. I agree that Shindig lays it on pretty thick, though.

Uh 'cause Mal is mostly a prick to her for one, but if we could've at least had this element developed rather than Joss and the writers simply saying, "Oh and by the way, these two are hot for each other but won't be jumping into bed any time soon." But frankly I can't think of a reason why any woman without some serious masochistic tendencies would want this guy.


I think the reason I like Kaylee is that she's such a departure from all those serious-minded Starfleet engineers we've had for decades. But the dress was godawful.

And I've got no problem with a departure from that standard, none. What I do have a problem with is that it's like she should be friggin' animated or something. She's the heroine from some Disney flick that happens to know how to fix engines. I suppose if the writers didn't keep bitch slapping the audience with how fucking cute she's supposed to be I could shrug it off. But Jesus, I'm waiting for little animated bluebirds to land on her fingers at any second.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Finish the series. She gets less fluffy. Not a lot, but she does get less fluffy.

I'll try, I really will, and I guess if I could make it through Safe I can make it through anything else the show can throw at me. As long as nobody devolves into giant newts like on ST VOY. I...I just couldn't go through that again... *shudder*

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Personally, I identify with Kaylee - she's the woman in a man's world, more comfortable being a tomboy with her machines than dressing up all pretty or being social or even off fighting wars, but she is still a girl and occasionally wants to express that. She's young and a little naive, but at the same time, she can hold her own and get the job done.

Perhaps I'm completely and utterly missing the point to her, because I usually identify with tomboys making it in a man's world/profession while not wanting to turn her back on her femininity. But seriously all I'm getting from her is "Oh my god isn't she the cutest thing ever? Say it! Say she's the cutest thing ever!" which makes me feel vaguely homicidal.

[tyee.livejournal.com]

Although the repeated use of "I think I saw a porno like this once." is also quite masterful.

Yes! Although she skipped one of the best opportunities:

HERMIONE: Shut up and let me chain you.

tyee: I think I saw a porno like this once.

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

Yeah, thumbs up on the Kaylee. She's cute, isn't she?

hmn

[aelfsciene.livejournal.com]

I can understand that, really; I was the only chick at work for quite some time, not at all girly, all of that. It's just...I dunno. Cute leaves a bad taste in my mouth, most likely because it's about the only compliment I ever hear. If she resisted it, even a little, I could respect her somewhat, but it's just so constant and in-your-face that I'm really, really tired of it already.

Of course, I post this with the uber-cute minime, so take this as you will. o.O

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Yes! Although she skipped one of the best opportunities:

HERMIONE: Shut up and let me chain you.

tyee: I think I saw a porno like this once.

Dang, you are so right, you should leave a note in her comments section!

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Yeah, thumbs up on the Kaylee. She's cute, isn't she?

I KEEL YOU! (BTW, I've decided that's Hav's new battle cry)

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

BTW: I'd rather see Reagan on the $10 bill (in fact I don't think I'd mind it so much) as see the Pentagon renamed the Ronald Reagan End of Communism Center or see his face put on Mount Rushmore, which are also things people keep trying to get done.