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I wanted to destroy something beautiful.
Sep. 11th, 2002 08:44 amI had a strange dream last night. I was going home, I'd planned the trip, was looking forward to seeing my family, the works. And I was flying, today, September 11th. I knew on some deep, spiritual level that whatever plane I boarded was going to be hijacked and I was almost certainly going to die. But I decided to go anyway.
I got up this morning half expect to hear of planes falling out of the sky. Instead, aside from all the hype about the anniversary, it's a rather uneventful day. I watered my plants, fed my cat, drove to work, answered my emails, you know, every day stuff. All around me in the office people are wearing little flags or listening to the ceremony at Ground Zero.
I will take some time to reflect on the anniversary this evening. In private. I don't feel comfortable grieving in public, and for me the uber-patriotic, wailing and gnashing of teeth is discordant and affected. Like some ancient Greek or Egyptian funerary procession with hired mourners. Sometimes I think tragedies have become our only remaining link to ritual. People no longer understand how to mark a life changing event in their own lives and look to the media and government to tell them what to do. It's not necessarily bad or "wrong", it just makes me a little sad.
I'm sure others more eloquent than I have summed up this reaction in ways I could never hope to, so I'll just say, yes I will pause and remember everyone who died on that day and since. But I'll do it my way. And regardless of what Dubya says, I'm not referring to this as "Patriot Day".
For now I'll put things away in a little box in my mind and get back to the business of living. The sun is shining, the sky is blue and the birds are singing. It's a beautiful day and it's good to be alive. I'm grateful to be able to enjoy it and share it with all those I care about. I'm going to appreciate the fact that I paid off the last of my credit card debt last night, which makes me intensely happy. I'm going to bounce in an excited manner about all the plans I have with some of my favorite people in the world this week. I'm going to be happy it's Wednesday and another work week is almost over. And I'm going to be intensely grateful for my wonderful home, delightful roommate and adorable cat.
Life is good, and that's what I'm going to keep reminding myself. Despite hatred and bigotry and all the evil that men do, life is good. I intend to enjoy it.
Crunches: 90
Outlook: Quite positive.
I got up this morning half expect to hear of planes falling out of the sky. Instead, aside from all the hype about the anniversary, it's a rather uneventful day. I watered my plants, fed my cat, drove to work, answered my emails, you know, every day stuff. All around me in the office people are wearing little flags or listening to the ceremony at Ground Zero.
I will take some time to reflect on the anniversary this evening. In private. I don't feel comfortable grieving in public, and for me the uber-patriotic, wailing and gnashing of teeth is discordant and affected. Like some ancient Greek or Egyptian funerary procession with hired mourners. Sometimes I think tragedies have become our only remaining link to ritual. People no longer understand how to mark a life changing event in their own lives and look to the media and government to tell them what to do. It's not necessarily bad or "wrong", it just makes me a little sad.
I'm sure others more eloquent than I have summed up this reaction in ways I could never hope to, so I'll just say, yes I will pause and remember everyone who died on that day and since. But I'll do it my way. And regardless of what Dubya says, I'm not referring to this as "Patriot Day".
For now I'll put things away in a little box in my mind and get back to the business of living. The sun is shining, the sky is blue and the birds are singing. It's a beautiful day and it's good to be alive. I'm grateful to be able to enjoy it and share it with all those I care about. I'm going to appreciate the fact that I paid off the last of my credit card debt last night, which makes me intensely happy. I'm going to bounce in an excited manner about all the plans I have with some of my favorite people in the world this week. I'm going to be happy it's Wednesday and another work week is almost over. And I'm going to be intensely grateful for my wonderful home, delightful roommate and adorable cat.
Life is good, and that's what I'm going to keep reminding myself. Despite hatred and bigotry and all the evil that men do, life is good. I intend to enjoy it.
Crunches: 90
Outlook: Quite positive.
