Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[ebonlock]

So the latest Kage update, after a long talk with the vet, comes down to the following decision:

1) Do surgery on Kage's paw removing the tumor and a good portion of her paw as well. Best case scenario she comes through the surgery fine and heals well over the next two months with no complications...despite the fact that she doesn't have sufficient skin in the area to cover the wound so it would remain open the whole time.

Worst case scenario the anesthesia either does her in immediately or finishes off her kidneys and she dies within the next few weeks.

2) Do nothing for the time being with the hope that the tumor she's currently got doesn't spread (and it doesn't appear to have done so yet). Unfortunately it's malignant and aggressive and even if it's removed will likely return in the future. On the plus side this option means she gets to be mostly comfortable for the remainder of her life. On the downside that life might only be a few more months at best.

The first option is far and away the riskier and it means putting her through a rather nasty surgery and months of bandaging, medication and vet visits which she will hate with a passion. But, it also means that if she survives she's got an actual chance of being ok for months, and maybe even a year. It could buy her more time. Maybe.

The other option means accepting that she's going to die and just choosing to make that death as stress-free and comfortable as possible.

I have until tomorrow to figure out what I want to do. I tried calling aelfsciene but her phone's going directly to voice mail so she may not even get the message by tomorrow, which leaves it up to me.

Comments

[tamago.livejournal.com]

Aelf was at a movie this afternoon. Try again this evening, maybe?

And you have my sympathies. Velcro's end was difficult in similar ways.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Thanks I'll definitely keep trying. I promised her she'd be a part of all the decisions and I don't want to go back on that if I can avoid it.

[ellid.livejournal.com]

Good question...I think ultimately it comes down to "If I do ____, in six months will I be kicking myself?" Or, in more convoluted and less grammatical terms, which choice will I regret less?

I hope this makes sense...poor Kage!

[melimus.livejournal.com]

Hang in there.

[windrose.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. What a horrible choice to have to make. *HUGS*

[jakejr.livejournal.com]

Oh, hon. You know I'm with you. Based on my recent experience I recommend you try to go with the option of least regret, as suggested above. Whatever is less likely to make you say "I just wish I had/hadn't..." when she is gone, whenever that is. But you know that. Mostly, I just wanted to say *hugs* (and give Aelf one for me too when you see her).

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Thanks, dearest, right now I just don't know which is going to lead to the most regret.

[elo-sf.livejournal.com]

I think just focus on knowing you've given her a good life and whatever you do you are doing from love and compassion.

*hugs*

[eilonwey.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'll throw in my two cents and suggest that you think about the quality of life she'll have in the two scenarios. It sounds like the surgical option will give her a year at most --- is that worth any suffering caused by the proposed treatment? Will she be able to enjoy the year that you've bought her?

It's a very difficult decision --- you love Kage and I know you'll choose the best option for her.

[missjones.livejournal.com]

My 2 cents? If it was me, I would go with option 2. Cancer is such a tricky thing. You really never know when the end will be. It could be days, months, even a year before anything happens. If she has the surgery and makes it through it, she won't understand why she's in all this pain. The risks to her immediate health are tremendous, and if it's only going to buy her a few months, is it worth it? And what kind of life would that be for her? I know that I have, thankfully, never been in this situation, so maybe I have no right to weigh in on the situation, but my heart tells me that if I had to make the decision... I would make the choice that would allow her to live out whatever time she has left happy and with her dignity. Only you can decide which one that is. It is definitely not an easy decision you have ahead of you. I love you both and am thinking of you. No matter what anyone says, you have to make the decision that is right for the two of you. And I know you well enough to be confident that you will do just that. *BIG HUGE HUGS* You can call anytime to talk if you need to.

[aelfsciene.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry I wasn't available tonight. I've called 4 times in the last half hour, and tried going by your place, but the chain's up, and you're either in bed or the shower, and I'm not sure if you'll get my messages, as I know your phone's like mine about them sometimes.

I'm torn apart about this, too, I just don't know what I think. I hate, hate the idea of not doing anything, of letting the tumor just sit there doing god knows what, but the idea of putting her through the surgery, her being hurt and confused and already hating the vet so much, plus the discomfort she'll be in until her paw heals, and the chance that the procedure might kill her...I can't stand the thought of losing her without us there, if there's even the slightest chance of it happening.

I'm not going to be sleeping anytime at all soon, if there's any chance you check this again tonight, or get my messages, so please call, or call as soon as you get them tomorrow, I'll keep my phone by my bed and would rather be woken up than not talk to you. I'm so sorry, again, that my phone was off all day, I never turned it back on after movies this afternoon. -_-

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

I'm glad we had a chance to talk last night and that we came up with a plan that makes sense to both of us for the time being.

[cyranocyrano.livejournal.com]

At this point, which ever choice you make is the right one. I know that doesn't help, it doesn't make you feel any better, and I wish I had something that did.
*hugs*

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

No, you know it does help because it was kind of the conclusion I came to last night as well. I can't know the unknowable and I can't say what Kage would want if she could choose for herself. All I can do is what I think best given the information I have.

[elenderel.livejournal.com]

*big hugs* I know how hard this is ... I pray that you find peace in the decision you ultimately make, knowing it was the best choice you had. And comfort knowing you did everything you could.

[phillipalden.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I worry about Max, especially since his "stroke" or whatever it was. It's so hard as they get older.

I will continue to hold you and Kage in the Light.

[moonlightnrain.livejournal.com]

Frak.

I'm glad to see that you and Aelf talked this out and came up with a solution that works for you both. If there is anything I can do to help or distract either of you, please let me know.

Love,
R.

[chazpure.livejournal.com]

Oh, honey!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

and many, many purrs for Kage.

[gconnor.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry.

With our kitty situations over the last year, I've decided that quality of life and keeping our kitties comfy and happy while they are here is more important than anything else.

We will be thinking good thoughts for Kage, as well as for you and Angie.