Red Dawn II: Electric Boogaloo
Nov. 29th, 2006 05:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ebonlockDear god won't anyone take the keyboard away from Orson Scott Card before it's too late? His latest "novel", Empire, makes my head feel more than a tad explody:
When the president and vice-president are killed by domestic terrorists (of unknown political identity), a radical leftist army calling itself the Progressive Restoration takes over New York City and declares itself the rightful government of the United States. Other blue states officially recognize the legitimacy of the group, thus starting a second civil war. Card's heroic red-state protagonists, Maj. Reuben "Rube" Malek and Capt. Bartholomew "Cole" Coleman, draw on their Special Ops training to take down the extremist leftists and restore peace to the nation...
My mind immediately leapt to this:
RIMMER: So there we were at 2:30 in the morning; I was beginning to wish
I had never come to cadet training school. To the south lay water --
there was no way we could cross that. To the east and west two armies
squeezed us in a pincer. The only way was north; I had to go for it
and pray the Gods were smiling on me. I picked up the dice and threw
two sixes. Caldecott couldn't believe it. My go again; another two
sixes!
LISTER: Rimmer, what's wrong with you? Don't you realize that no one is
even slightly interested in anything you're saying? You've got this
major psychological defect which blinds you to the fact that you're
boring people to death! How come you can't sense that?
RIMMER: Anyway I picked up the dice again... Unbelievable! Another two
sixes!
LISTER: Rimmer!
RIMMER: What?
LISTER: No one wants to know some stupid story about how you beat your
Cadet School Training Officer at Risk.
If a novel were to be written by Arnold J. Rimmer, I think "Empire" would come pretty damn close to the finished product. BTW, I totally think the liberal terrorists should've referred to themselves as the People's Front of Judea. Though I'll bet they all wear jaunty berets!
When the president and vice-president are killed by domestic terrorists (of unknown political identity), a radical leftist army calling itself the Progressive Restoration takes over New York City and declares itself the rightful government of the United States. Other blue states officially recognize the legitimacy of the group, thus starting a second civil war. Card's heroic red-state protagonists, Maj. Reuben "Rube" Malek and Capt. Bartholomew "Cole" Coleman, draw on their Special Ops training to take down the extremist leftists and restore peace to the nation...
My mind immediately leapt to this:
RIMMER: So there we were at 2:30 in the morning; I was beginning to wish
I had never come to cadet training school. To the south lay water --
there was no way we could cross that. To the east and west two armies
squeezed us in a pincer. The only way was north; I had to go for it
and pray the Gods were smiling on me. I picked up the dice and threw
two sixes. Caldecott couldn't believe it. My go again; another two
sixes!
LISTER: Rimmer, what's wrong with you? Don't you realize that no one is
even slightly interested in anything you're saying? You've got this
major psychological defect which blinds you to the fact that you're
boring people to death! How come you can't sense that?
RIMMER: Anyway I picked up the dice again... Unbelievable! Another two
sixes!
LISTER: Rimmer!
RIMMER: What?
LISTER: No one wants to know some stupid story about how you beat your
Cadet School Training Officer at Risk.
If a novel were to be written by Arnold J. Rimmer, I think "Empire" would come pretty damn close to the finished product. BTW, I totally think the liberal terrorists should've referred to themselves as the People's Front of Judea. Though I'll bet they all wear jaunty berets!
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no subject
Date: 2006-11-30 12:01 am (UTC)But thanks to your warning that's one piece of trash I won't be buying.