Be vewy qwiet, I'm hunting lawyers...

[ebonlock]

Here's a little bit more on the Cheney hunting "accident" story. Note that:

The more than 18-hour delay in news emerging that the Vice President of the United States had shot a man, sending him to an intensive care unit with his wounds, grew even more curious late Sunday. E&P has learned that the official confirmation of the shooting came about only after a local reporter in Corpus Christi, Texas, received a tip from the owner of the property where the shooting occured and called Vice President Cheney's office for confirmation.

[...]

The president, who was at the White House over the weekend, was informed about the incident in Texas after it happened Saturday by Chief of Staff Andrew Card and Deputy Chief of Staff Karl Rove and was updated on Sunday, press secretary Scott McClellan said.

But neither the White House nor the vice president's staff announced the shooting. The Washington Post reported late Sunday that Cheney's office did not make a public announcement.

The delay in announcing the shooting "will likely be the main question asked of the White House about the apparent accidental shooting of a 78-year-old man during a Texas hunting trip by the vice president," the Tribune's James wrote on the Washington bureau's blog at the newspaper's site.

"When a vice president of the U.S. shoots a man under any circumstance," James noted, "that is extremely relevant information. What might be the excuse to justify not immediately making the incident public?

"The vice president is well-known for preferring to operate in secret....Some secrecy, especially when it comes to the executing the duties of president or vice president, is understandable and expected by Americans.

"But when the vice president's office, or the White House, delays in reporting a shooting like Saturday's to the public via the media, it needlessly raises suspicions and questions of trust. And it may just further the impression held by many, rightly or wrongly, that the White House doesn't place the highest premium on keeping the public fully and immediately informed."

And of course the WH spin-corps are in a tizzy trying to blame this all on the shooting victim. "It wasn't Cheney's fault the guy snuck up on him...and the, uh, sun was in his eyes, yeah!" Now I'd like everyone to just take a moment and wonder what stories would've been all over the news today if this had been either Clinton or Gore involved. Almost makes your head spin, doesn't it?

And via No More Mister Nice Blog:

TOP FIVE REASONS DICK CHENEY SHOT AND WOUNDED A COMPANION, HARRY WHITTINGTON, WHILE THE TWO OF THEM WERE HUNTING QUAIL ON SATURDAY

1. Czech intelligence had reportedly sighted Whittington moulting with Old World quail in Prague.

2. Documents published in an Italian newspaper claimed that Whittington had once attempted to obtain edible seeds from Niger.

3. "Reverse domino" theory suggested that shooting Whittington would inspire actual quail to spontaneously surrender to hunters.

4. Liberal Democrats say it's wrong to shoot a fellow hunter. Can America really afford to trust their judgment?

5. We didn't want to find out when it was too late that Whittington's next beer fart was a mushroom cloud.

And then the Daily Kos got in on the fun:

Top 10 Cheney Excuses for Shooting that Guy

From the home office, Dick Cheney's Top 10 Excuses for Shooting That Guy:

10. Sure, like you've never seen seen giant game birds wearing day glo orange vests
9. Warrantless domestic spying revealed he was getting phone calls from al Queda
8. If the Vice President does it, its not against the law
7. Hoping to put him in a persistent vegetative state so the GOP could pass a law to keep him alive
6. Thought he was hunting Dan Quayle
5. The love between them could not survive back in Washington
4. Birds, Cows, People-- with my eyesight I'm lucky I hit anything
3. Positive the guy's family will welcome him as a liberator
2. Pheasants? I thought we were hunting peasants

and the number one Cheney excuse for shooting that guy:
1. Open season on liberals started early this year


Edit: Ok, just one more, I swear:
VEEP Fiction

Cheney: Wanna know what I’m buyin’ Ringo?
Harry: What?
Cheney: Your life. I’m givin’ you that quail so I don’t hafta kill your ass. You read the Bible?
Harry: I’m a lawyer. What do you think?
Cheney: Good point. But there’s a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the donors through the valley of porkness. For he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost loopholes. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my campaign contributors. And you will know I am the Unitary Executive when I lay my vengeance upon you. I been sayin’ that shit for years. Especially at chicken suppers hosted by Militias. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass. I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some cartoons this mornin’ made me think twice. Now I’m thinkin’: it could mean you’re the evil man. And I’m the righteous man. And Mr. Shotgun here, he’s the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of porkness. Or it could be you’re the righteous man and I’m the shepherd and it’s the world that’s evil and selfish. Especially Al Qaeda and Saddam. And Iran. Also France. Maybe I’d like that. But that shit ain’t the truth. The truth is you’re the big donor. And I’m the tyranny of evil men. But I’m tryin’, Harry. I’m tryin’ real hard to—”
BANG!
Cheney: Ah, goddammit!
Harry: Arghhh! My face! You shot my face!
Cheney: Somebody call Rove. We’ll say he fell while eating a pretzel on a mountain bike or something. It’s worked before.

As Digby quite rightly points out:

[G]et your jokes on, moonbats. Let's torture us some wingnuts.


And woah, who spiked the Kool-Aid over on FOX?

On Fox News Sunday this morning both Jack Reed (D-RI) and George Allen (R-VA) called on Patrick Fitzgerald to investigate whether Dick Cheney had the right to declassify the NIE when he ordered Scooter to flash it to Judy Miller.

Say, maybe we could get Cheney up on two investigations at the same time. How sweet would that be?

Comments

[moonlightnrain.livejournal.com]

Thank you for being my one-stop shop for Cheney jokes. I still beg of you to change the font for comments! Please!

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Ok, what font would you prefer? Just let me know and I'll go change it.

[moonlightnrain.livejournal.com]

The first comment left (subsequent ones get slightly darker successfully and maybe slightly larger too) is something like 6pt in pale grey, and therefore, it is impossible to see what you have typed until the comment is submitted. So anything larger and darker than that would do, and I would assume that is a feature of the layout that you can change.

Go leave a comment to yourself and see what I mean. :)

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

I left several, actually, but it looked fine to me, maybe I'm just seeing something differently. I'll bump up the size and darken it if I can find the appropriate stuff to change.

[moonlightnrain.livejournal.com]

You've left the FIRST message to yourself?