Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega.

[ebonlock]

Truer words were never spoken. And a little word to the wise from this disciple of Cupid to all of you, never let the significant other in your life feel less important than a game (video or live action), a t.v. show, a sporting event, a job, or for that matter, anything else. Hell, I say extend that to family and friends too, anyone you care deeply for and who (presumably) shares the emotion. Love and friendship are the truly important things in life, forget that and you're going to end up spending a lot of time alone. Nobody likes coming in second to a game, and this goes double for the female of the species.

I say take a moment or two in your incredibly busy life and let someone (doesn't matter who) know you care. Stop MUSHing for a minute or two, stop playing the latest version of Final Fantasy, let TiVo grab an episode of the show you can't miss, set aside the role playing character you've been obsessing over, put down the project that's been consuming you, and think about all the people in your life that mean something to you. Drop them an email, or give one of them a call, or just stop by and say hello. Make contact and let someone feel like they rate in your life. It doesn't take much, and I promise you that whatever it was you postponed to reach out to someone will still be there afterwards.

But if you do it, do so because you want to, because you recognize that people are more important than things, no matter how nice, and new and shiney those things are. Don't do it because you think you should, or you'll just end up resenting that person and, guys that just defeats the purpose.

Just a little advice from me to you on a philosophical Friday.

Crunches: Ok, I was bad.
Deep Thoughts: Many.

Comments

Ahem.

[centerfire.livejournal.com]

Using genericized I's and you's, as a hypothetical male to a hypothetical female SO:


I've told you I care about you many times before. The fact that I'm busy with other things holds no deeper meaning than exactly that: I'm busy with other things. It in no way negates the dozens and probably hundreds of protestations of affection that I've made previously; nor does it suggest that my feelings for you have in any way changed; nor does it suggest that I consider whatever activity I'm currently engaged in somehow "more important" than you. I'm just in the middle of something, and I'd prefer not to be disturbed.

I am of course sensitive to your bouts of insecurity, but I do not consider it healthy -- for either of us -- for me to pander to them. Demanding that I drop everything and tell you I love you while I'm in the middle of fixing the car or watching football or what have you is a psychological power-game, nothing more, and I'm not playing. I don't get clingy while you're watching daytime dramas or knitting; please show me the same courtesy while I'm cleaning my guns or trying to beat a Playstation game.

Rebuttal

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

"Daytime dramas"?

Ahem, allow me to counter with:

Yes, you've told me that you care about me many times before, however affection is not a commodity to be stored away like money in a savings account.
One doesn't accrue interest, nor have I been keeping a tally of said affectionate comments. It is an ongoing process that cannot be set aside by the comment, "But I've already told you how I feel about you!" Feelings change, some of us need reassurance from time to time.

The fact that you're busy with other things holds no deeper meaning than exactly that: unless I'm standing in front of the t.v. in skimpy lingerie and you continue to play said game, or watch a sporting event with the grunt, "You're blocking the t.v." At that point, despite former protestations of affection, I am likely to be hurt, and feel unloved and unattractive.

Does this mean that you can't do anything that you deem important without fear of reprisals on my part? Not at all, indeed there will be many times I'll have things that I want to do, that I feel are important or enjoyable and I will expect the freedom to be able to do so. However, should you ever say to me, "I need to talk to you now." I promise to set aside whatever project, game, or t.v. show I was engrossed in and listen. I expect that at some point you will be willing to do the same for me.

Rebuttal to Rebuttal

[centerfire.livejournal.com]

One doesn't accrue interest, nor have I been keeping a tally of said affectionate comments... Feelings change, some of us need reassurance from time to time.

Feelings do not change so rapidly that the unquestioned sentiment contained in the, "I love you," I said last night before bed, or this morning after breakfast, is now suspect just because, right this minute, I'm trying to watch the football game, and would prefer not to be interrupted. A typical game lasts about three hours. Adults -- and I am under the impression that I am in a relationship with one -- can go that long without capitulating to insecurity about their partners' true feelings.

The fact that you're busy with other things holds no deeper meaning than exactly that: unless I'm standing in front of the t.v. in skimpy lingerie and you continue to play said game, or watch a sporting event with the grunt, "You're blocking the t.v." At that point, despite former protestations of affection, I am likely to be hurt, and feel unloved and unattractive.

I have no control over how you choose to interpret my behavior. I have just said, clear as day, that just because I'm not prepared to drop everything I'm doing in order to shower you with affection, it doesn't automatically mean I hate you and/or think you're ugly. If you walk away feeling unloved and unattractive anyway, then that's your choice that you need to shoulder responsibility for. Getting upset or angry with me is not only a completely irrational response, it's also quite likely to produce the reverse of the desired effect. I don't guilt easily.

However, should you ever say to me, "I need to talk to you now." I promise to set aside whatever project, game, or t.v. show I was engrossed in and listen. I expect that at some point you will be willing to do the same for me.

There is a difference between, "I need to talk; it's serious," and, "Sweetheart, do you really love me? Do you think I look fat in this? Do these shoes go with this dress? Why do you watch so much football?"

I do not mind setting aside what I'm doing, even if it's something important to me, if you really need me; say, you've just suffered a personal tragedy of some sort, or you have grave and longstanding concerns about our relationship, and truly need to talk.

But I reserve the right to get pissed off if you wait until I'm in the middle of an activity I enjoy to interrupt with a bunch of nonsense; and I reserve the right to be even more pissed off if you begin caterwauling about how this makes me an insensitive asshole who hates you and/or thinks you're ugly.

And, want to see me go absolutely nuclear? Gossip to your girlfriends about how I'm an insensitive asshole who hates you and/or thinks you're ugly.

Re: Rebuttal to Rebuttal

[mister-sunshine.livejournal.com]

Interesting. So would it be incorrect of me to conclude that you are both trying to say, "Good timing and mutual respect go a long way" ?

Re: Rebuttal to Rebuttal

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

In a word, yes. And thank you for boiling that down into its essence so delightfully. But I would add to that "...and things are not as important as people." but that's me. };)

Re: Rebuttal to Rebuttal

[centerfire.livejournal.com]

More or less, yeah. :)

I don't disagree with ebonlock's core proposition that things are more important than people, either.

I just, you know. Also expect relatively rational and courteous behavior, which I'll try and return in kind.