The Return of Real-Time Lost Recapping!

[ebonlock]

Uber-Michael eye close-up and Walt is missing. Uh-oh, somebody's gonna' get a whippin' unless I miss my guess. Of course he asks Jack for dad advice, which is second only in potential comedic effect to asking Sawyer. And hey, we've got ourselves a flashback, including Walt's Mama and Michael looking weirdly adorable all clean-shaven and in one of the goofiest hats ever worn outside of a Hong Kong film.

Oh, hey, mama didn't want to get married so maybe it wasn't Michael who was commitment-phobic. He seems all excited and happy, so does she so totally screw him over in the not too distant future that it causes him to be estranged from his own son?

Walt is taking Lord of the Flies 101 with Locke, who's definitely teaching young Skywalker the ways of the Force. Boone is hanging out and attempting to proceed in his de-bitch-ification. Why is that young Walt is way more manly than our Boone? Michael, is having none of....woah, Boone as Locke's attack dog...er, more likely "poodle". Clearly he's got some more work to do on the whole de-bitch-ification thing.

Walt realizing his potential, hmm, one wonders if said potential will include random polar bear attacks. Hey, I was promised polar bears, dammit.

Aww, little Walt flashback and Michael is fighting for his boy while Walt Mama gives him the less than subtle brush off. Oooh and here comes the "I care about you...like a brother", well the look anyway. Dang, she cold, all up in his face with the "We're not married and you have no rights cause you're basically a bum" stuff.

Mike shares a moment with Sun where he expresses the firm conviction that he won't let the boy grow up on Lost island. Um, ok man, but unless Crazy French Lady's got a sub...

Speaking of which, Sayid has created some weird ass theory about Crazy French Lady's maps and a vague and mysterious spot on the island. Jack is dubious because...well, it's Crazy French Lady. Mike seems pretty clued in to this fact, and has a plan to get him and Walt off the island that involves floatation devices and a raft and setting out to sea and, uh, pretty much certain death. The others give him a group "Go with god, you crazy motherfucker" look.

Oh dude, Walt, put down the damn comic! If you're not careful you may summon up some big-brained, scary ass aliens as well as rabid polar bears.

Damn, that's so cold! Walt Mama is totally cheating on him as well. Ok, well, maybe technically she's not "cheating" per se as they've taken some time apart and it's not like they're married or anything. And just when he's storming off to fly to Amsterdam to get his kid back...he gets hit by a car. Ok I'm starting to wonder if Michael sodomized some Catholic nuns in a past life.

Charlie is looking for Claire's diary for some reason and somehow I get the feeling that...yes, Kate is leading him directly to Sawyer who, of course has her diary and read it. "Has been pop star"? "Limey runt"? Bastard! Sawyer apparently hits like a ponce (color me shocked) and of course he hasn't really read the diary but thought he'd fuck with Charlie a little.

Shannon faces down Boone and tries to use her feminine charms which bounce off him like he's got some sort of Locke-inspired anti-incest defense shields. Heh, stick that in your "functioning bullemic" pipe and smoke it, blondie.

Michael gets the "you're not my father" routine and chucks Walt's spooky comic book on the fire. Yeah, that'll win back the boy's affections. Angry polar bear glares malevolently from the pages as they burn. He will have his revenge, oh yes, he'll have his revenge.

Aww poor Mike's all laid up and in walks Walt Mama (uber-Biotch for short) pretending she cares, but we know better, don't we? Yep, there it goes, she's offering to pay off all of Michael's medical expenses in exchange for Walter. Nice. Very nice. I'm so happy she ends up dead, I just hope it's a really painful and messy death for her and Brian. Something involving a pack of rabid, starving Tasmanian Devils perhaps. Yeah, that sounds about right.

While Michael broods Hurley notes that his kid has snuck off with the Doomrador and we just know there's going to be some kind of a showdown coming. My money's on Locke, by the way. Hmm, a moment of speculation, wouldn't it be kinda cool if when the polar bears attack Michael ends up sacrificing himself for the boy?

Michael demands that Locke tell him where Walter is, but he doesn't know. Boone tries to look threatening and fails utterly. When they realize that little Walt has wandered off on his own they team up to go find him.

Charlie and Kate have a moment and once again Charlie proves himself to be cuter than fuzzy bunnies for a variety of reasons. Tops, of course, is his temptation to read Claire's diary to find out what she thinks of him, and his deep desire to do what's right. Aww, the angel on his right shoulder wins, just like we knew it would 'cause he's a good lad.

Jungle of Doom, oooh I think I hear me a polar bear, and so does Vincent who takes off like a bat out of hell. Take a hint, Walt!

Flashback to life in Australia and Walt is just a wee bit too Twilight Zoney for my tastes. You remember the one with the kid who bossed around his entire family, and they all did whatever he wanted and made sure he was never, NEVER upset or sad or angry. Because, you know, BAD THINGS happened when the boy got upset. Looks like Brian's thinking that too. Sure the dead bird could've been a coincidence, but we don't really believe that for a minute, do we? That kid's got some crazy hoo-doo going on and I suspect that the island is amplifying those powers. How soon before he realizes this power and uses it to dominate all the adults and make them do his fiendish bidding? I guess we'll soon see.

And yet another flashback, Brian's not looking too good, kinda scruffy as he knocks on Michael's door to announce that Susan's dead-ski. It was apparently quick and painless, damn. Brian left the kid at home with the nanny and Mike's all pissed. Oh and it looks like Brian never wanted to be Walt's dad and it's all a big fucking mess. Michael is about to kick Brian's ass when the guy admits that Walt is a bit...um...odd. Things happen around him, oh boy do they ever. Did anybody else get a slight "Omen" vibe from Walt's nanny or was it just me? Probably just me. Oh dang, did his mom actually never give the kid any of Michael's letters. Gah! If it's possible I hate her even more.

Sweet, polar bear!!! Ooh, it looks pissed, mighty pissed indeed. But Locke has a plan to...attack it from above? Or, well, something I guess. It's Locke, if he told Mike to pray to the island gods to send flying monkeys to save the boy, I'd suggest that Mike do so immediately.

Oh, wow, poor Mike is in such a no win situation with Walter, and he chooses to be all honorable and make Brian out to be a good guy when he's just an ass. Aww yeah, he scammed Brian out of the dog, you go, boy!

Wow, good thing that bear is paying absolutely no attention to anybody screaming right over its head, 'cause that could've been ugly. Locke is so the man, and Walt gets all stabby with the big knife, boy's developed a taste for blood all right. Locke pulls Walt to safety as the bear attacks again and I flash back to "The Jerk" rather inappropriately. "He's not after us, he's after these trees! Stay away from the trees!" Also, luckily, they seem to have lost Boone who's probably wandering around in the forest forlornly calling, "Guys? Guys?"

Ooh, Mike pokes big white and ugly in the chopper and it turns out the polar bear's a bit of a ponce too. The family is reunited and Mike and Locke exchange a meaningful look that tells me that Mike is now firmly in the Locke for Island Dictator camp too. Let us hope he will be a benevolent ruler.

Walt and Mike share a dad and son bonding moment over mom's treachery and Michael's artistic abilities, while elsewhere Charlie breaks down and reads Claire's diary 'cause, you know, he's good but not that good. "Adorable and sweet" Yeah, that sums up Charlie pretty damn well. "Yeah, I know, I'm bloody scum." Aww. Ooh the "black rock" gets mentioned and Sayid thinks it's the triangle on Crazy French Lady's map! Oooooh!

Locke has collected Boone who's no worse for wear, and uses his doggy whistle to call....something. Somehow I don't think it's Vincent and neither does Locke. No, it's CLAIRE! Holy shit! [/Aelf]

Dammit, repeats already? Ok, ok, so it's Sayid torture flashbacks which...well, let's just say that I could be a lot more unhappy.

Comments

[ophidiae.livejournal.com]

Flashback to life in Australia and Walt is just a wee bit too Twilight Zoney for my tastes.

Oh, good, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that. Perhaps with Locke's guidance, Walt will not be turned to the Dark Side. Only time (and Sweeps Week) will tell.

[ebonlock.livejournal.com]

Oh, good, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought that. Perhaps with Locke's guidance, Walt will not be turned to the Dark Side. Only time (and Sweeps Week) will tell.

Perhaps Locke will groom him to battle it out in the future with Evil Claire's Baby who's been well taught by Ethan and the People of the Black Rock.

[tersa.livejournal.com]

Sawyer apparently hits like a ponce

That line made me laugh out loud. :)

"Adorable and sweet"

tavella and I both went 'awwwwww' at that, and then said 'us, and everyone else on the Internet'. :)

Oh dang, did his mom actually never give the kid any of Michael's letters. Gah! If it's possible I hate her even more.

Yeah. I had a serious hate-on for Walt's mom by the end of the episode. I'm not sure if it was a storytelling device or what, but I was feeling some serious empathy vibes for Michael by the end of the episode.

No, it's CLAIRE! Holy shit!

I was suspicious, given all the Claire recapping we got at the beginning, so I actually called that one before she meandered her waifish way out.

Dammit, repeats already?

Only three more episodes I need to have them all recorded straight to the Humax!