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I want my subconscious to stop asking me scary questions for which I have no answer. I want to dream of puppies and kittens and Frodo chained naked to my bed and covered in ice cream toppings (but not all in the same dream cause that would be weird). I want to be able to shut my mind off, de-rail certain thoughts and be at one with the universe.
Unfortunately I don't think that's happening any time soon.
I've always been an introspective person, a necessity really when one grows up in any degree of isolation. But I've been told on more than one occasion that I think about things too much. I wish there was a very clear line that I could see myself crossing where I change from contemplation to compulsion. But the line seems awfully smudged and incomplete, and sometimes it's just not there at all.
Often I'll turn to those I trust and ask them if they believe I've stepped over that line. The problem is, when they confirm it I'm not sure what to do about it. It would be nice if there were a switch to flip that would change a particular pattern of thought/behavior to the off mode. That would come in very handy.
I should get back into meditation, that's all there is to it. I know, to some degree, why I haven't been meditating recently. Too much to do, too much to see, too much to experience, and for some reason I seem to feel that it all has to be done *right now*. And yet I wonder why the nerve that I damaged with the shingles earlier this year has been acting up. Ok, so I'm not so bright sometimes.
The thing is if I did slow down and take it easy I'd end up miserable in very short order. I know myself, I need a bit of stress and excitement in my life. When I overbook myself I feel liked and wanted, when I underbook I feel bereft and alone. There's very little happy medium, alas.
I have something of a plan to get me back to an even keel, though. I want to turn my Mabon ceremony into a "get your life organized" ritual, then follow up with Samhain for "I'm going to wash those thoughts/people/experiences right out of my hair." Do I think that two rituals will solve all of life's problems? No. Do I think putting some of them into coherent words, examining them one last time and then doing a ritual to help me set them aside might be beneficial? Yep.
And it's a plan. I like plans, they give me a false sense of security and control. }:)
I'm going to give it a try anyway and if it doesn't work I'll come up with a new plan. Hopefully an even better one.
Now, enough introspection, time for a few thank you's. Thanks to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
princessmei for dropping by last night and being her usual, charming self. Oh and for bringing those great belly dance books. I have a very specific concept in mind for a costume now, go me! And another big thanks to jimweasel for taking some herbs off my hands. I just hope he didn't get pulled over on his way home. "No, really, it's thyme, I swear!" *G*
One more day til payday, please let my retroactive raise have kicked in...esmerel posted about a new bellydance shop opening in Sunnyvale on Saturday...DOOM!!!!
Crunches: I've been bad }:(
Bad Omens for the Day: 0
Unfortunately I don't think that's happening any time soon.
I've always been an introspective person, a necessity really when one grows up in any degree of isolation. But I've been told on more than one occasion that I think about things too much. I wish there was a very clear line that I could see myself crossing where I change from contemplation to compulsion. But the line seems awfully smudged and incomplete, and sometimes it's just not there at all.
Often I'll turn to those I trust and ask them if they believe I've stepped over that line. The problem is, when they confirm it I'm not sure what to do about it. It would be nice if there were a switch to flip that would change a particular pattern of thought/behavior to the off mode. That would come in very handy.
I should get back into meditation, that's all there is to it. I know, to some degree, why I haven't been meditating recently. Too much to do, too much to see, too much to experience, and for some reason I seem to feel that it all has to be done *right now*. And yet I wonder why the nerve that I damaged with the shingles earlier this year has been acting up. Ok, so I'm not so bright sometimes.
The thing is if I did slow down and take it easy I'd end up miserable in very short order. I know myself, I need a bit of stress and excitement in my life. When I overbook myself I feel liked and wanted, when I underbook I feel bereft and alone. There's very little happy medium, alas.
I have something of a plan to get me back to an even keel, though. I want to turn my Mabon ceremony into a "get your life organized" ritual, then follow up with Samhain for "I'm going to wash those thoughts/people/experiences right out of my hair." Do I think that two rituals will solve all of life's problems? No. Do I think putting some of them into coherent words, examining them one last time and then doing a ritual to help me set them aside might be beneficial? Yep.
And it's a plan. I like plans, they give me a false sense of security and control. }:)
I'm going to give it a try anyway and if it doesn't work I'll come up with a new plan. Hopefully an even better one.
Now, enough introspection, time for a few thank you's. Thanks to
princessmei for dropping by last night and being her usual, charming self. Oh and for bringing those great belly dance books. I have a very specific concept in mind for a costume now, go me! And another big thanks to jimweasel for taking some herbs off my hands. I just hope he didn't get pulled over on his way home. "No, really, it's thyme, I swear!" *G*One more day til payday, please let my retroactive raise have kicked in...
esmerel posted about a new bellydance shop opening in Sunnyvale on Saturday...DOOM!!!!Crunches: I've been bad }:(
Bad Omens for the Day: 0
