ebonlock: (Bollocks!)
Sadly, No! brings us this gem from Canadian wingnut Adam Yoshida that simply must be shared:

Earth Hour: My Response

[…]

Thus, my response to Earth hour is as follows. When I finish this post, I am going to get into my car and drive first to Bellingham, WA, then to Lynnwood, WA, then possibly to Seattle. Before I leave, I am going to turn on every single light in my apartment (most of which, by the way) are incandescent 100w bulbs. I am also going to leave my television on (though with the volume muted, in a concession to my neighbours) and I am going to leave all three of my computers running, specifically encoding video files.

Yeah, it’ll cost me a few bucks. But, frankly, just for the pure joy of going against the grain - and of doing it while it’s still legal - I’m going to do it.

[...]

Also, while I’m in Washington, I’m going to purchase expensive clothes, doubtlessly produced by Asian child labourers. Needless to say, I feel good right now.


I'd like to think guys like this are a parody, and yet...
ebonlock: (Tinkerbell)
So apparently there was a Republican YouTube debate last night and the wingnuts are all worked up 'cause it was somehow totally not fair to the candidates...or something. Sadly, No! summarizes it thusly:

Oh my God, the CNN YouTube debate showed the entire country what malignant, bonk-headed wackos we are represents a shockingly outrageous conspiracy by CNN and YouTube not to screen questioners for party loyalty — thus totally unfairly showing the entire country what malignant, bonk-headed wackos we are.


So pretty much the norm really. One of the questions apparently pertained to the Bible and a commentor at S,N! came up with the perfect summary of it:

cleter

I interpret the debate thusly:

MODERATOR: What part of the Bible is your favorite?
RUDY: The parts about the smiting. Definately the smiting. You know, we were ALL smote on 9/11, but no more! Now I WILL DO the smiting! Smite!
MCCAIN: The smiting. And the parts about honoring your elders. I like those parts a lot now.
PAUL: The weird parts that don’t make sense. That’s my favorite. Weirder the better. The parts Ayn Rand wrote are particularly good.
HUCKABEE: Well, I like the words of peace and love from our Lord and Savior.
AUDIENCE: Boooo!
ROMNEY: The parts of the Bible written on the Tablets made of Silver by the Silver Surfer himself are my favorite. What? C’mon, I’m not the only one! The Epistles of Galactus are deeply moving! What! Why are you staring at me, Mayor McSleaze? Is one of your mistresses standing behind me?
RUDY:F**k you, you f**k!


Now that I would've paid money to watch!
ebonlock: (Brock pissed)
Oh man would I ever love to get all irrational over Kevin McCullough's ass:

Women - vote irrationally. Some women will be offended by the observation but most will agree, women do not vote according to what they know.
[Editor's note: Can someone interpret this for me in a way that doesn't say flat out, "Women are inherently irrational, this is what they know, therefore this is how they vote."?] They tend instead to vote based on intuition. They get "a feeling" about a candidate and that's what they trust.

And all those guys who nattered on about how they'd prefer to have a beer with Bush than Kerry or Gore...well, they were just the height of rationality, weren't they?

I get the feeling that the closer we get to an honest to god Hillary presidency, the more sexism is going to ooze up out of the cracks. The tricky bit will be for me to avoid blowing out a blood vessel or two in my brain after reading this shit.
ebonlock: (Monarch)
Sadly, No! is currently covering the most fantastic display of extreme right-wing cannibalism I've ever seen. What happens when paleocons and neocons start bickering about who's the bigger hater and who's a little liberal-loving pussy? Why just click the link, make yourself some popcorn, and prepare to have your reality shattered. It is truly some of the funniest shit I've ever seen.

My new favorite comment from Some Guy on the debacle:

Holy God. They’re really doing it. They’re ripping themselves apart at the seams. It’s fucking Megatron and Starscream in the right wing. That’s right. The best analogy for the current Republican base is a 80’s Japanese cartoon show about cars who care.

I was going to just snark about what kind of ass-twat prick of a douchebag loser boy you have to be to wear a 10-gallon hat around, but this is way more interesting. A howling free-for-all to prove you’re the most hateful, insane, ignorant, blood thirsty Major Kong.

In continuing my theme of 80’s Japanese culture; it’s like that scene in Godzilla 1984, where they’ve lured G into an active volcano, thus ending his destructive rampage, but as they watch him Big G fall to an agonizing death, they can’t help but feel sorry for him. Poor sonuvabitch.


**happy sigh**
ebonlock: (wtf kara)
In an earlier post I prophesied that the right wing would go all poo flingy on the whole Al Gore won a Nobel thing and damned if I wasn't right. Perhaps I should play the lottery today...

TBogg sums it all up nicely:

...maybe someone can explain the rightwings aversion to the facts of global warming other than because "Al Gore said so".

Better yet, maybe Gore will make a major speech telling people to not stick their tongues in wall sockets in an effort to save electricity. Afterward, expect lots of flickering lights in your neighborhood and fewer rightwing bloggers on the internets.


And speaking of wingnuts I'm fighting the strong urge to *headdesk* over this article:

The Mexican flag flies no more over the Arizona-Sonora Desert Museum — and the U.S. flag is gone, too.

The museum's board of trustees voted to remove the flags — which had flown side-by-side since 1954 — after receiving complaints and threats about flying the Mexican flag.

Questions from visitors about why the Mexican flag was being flown on U.S. soil escalated in the past couple of years, said board chairwoman Sophia Kaluzniacki.

An anonymous death threat against the museum's animals made earlier this year by a phone caller also factored into the board's decision, but to a lesser degree, she said. The desire to avoid controversy on border-related issues was the main thrust, she said.


Ok so some righty off his meds took offense to the Mexican flag being flown at a museum and threatened to kill the museum's animals over it?! Words abso-fucking-lutely fail. Though Lesley came up with a great response in comments:

These so-called patriots need their own flag, one with a skull and cross bones the colour of vomit.
ebonlock: (Bollocks!)
Ok so a couple of weeks ago a 12 year old boy did a radio address in favor of S-CHIP which basically helped save his life:

If it weren’t for CHIP, I might not be here today. … We got the help we needed because we had health insurance for us through the CHIP program. But there are millions of kids out there who don’t have CHIP, and they wouldn’t get the care that my sister and I did if they got hurt. … I just hope the President will listen to my story and help other kids to be as lucky as me.


The gibbering monkeys of the right wing immediately flew into action. Even Limbaugh has joined in the carrion call, and, believe it or not, Michelle Malkin has just posted about stalking the boy and his family.

Zsa at Sadly, No! sums this whole thing up nicely:

There are certain lines that don’t get crossed in a civil society. The welfare of our children is one of those lines.

Bush and his 29% crew clearly do not care about children receiving adequate healthcare. That’s not a surprise.

But attacking the 12-year-old and his family is indicative of their true intent. It’s not about whether millions of kids have healthcare. If it was about healthcare policy they would actually be talking about, you know, healthcare policy. Certainly Bush has reasons for his veto, however mean-spirited.

But it’s not about that. It’s about intimidation of your political opponents. It’s about scaring the population into submission. We are witnessing the birth of brownshirt tactics. Speak up about a policy issue and they visit your home, your work, they gather outside your home and scream insults at your children.

I’m not sure if the Gathering of Eagles and the Freepers have decided to picket the Frost house yet, but this sort of bully-boy tactic is not far off. Apparently Malkin visited the father’s workplace today. If you simply object to S-CHIP as a policy, why do you even care about the family of some kid who was helped by the CHIP program? On the other hand, if you desperately want to stifle legitimate dissent, this is exactly the type of thing you do.

And they’ll pat themselves on the back as heroes and patriots. Let’s have Confederate Yankee in here to tell us why investigating the kid’s family is such a noble task.

I would dearly love to see the media pick this up as a story about the Freepi and their thuggish response to Graeme Frost. The wingnuts are harassing the Frost family for the crime of speaking up about a policy issue.


I think the really depressing thing about this is that they'll totally get away with this kind of thuggishness against a family, and against a 12 year old boy in particular. They won't get a single reprimand from the media or the American people outside those of us who actually care about this kind of partisan bullshit. Indeed they'll get pats on the back. And the thing is they know it, they know there's nothing to fear because nobody's going to visit any reprisals on them. One hopes that karma will play some factor but I'll be damned if I can find any evidence of it in American politics these days.

UPDATE: Ezra Klein chimes in on the whole debacle

Something has really gone wrong on the Right. Become sick and twisted and tumorous and ugly. To visit Michelle Malkin’s cave is to see politics at its most savage, its most ferocious, its most rageful. They say they’ve spent the past week smearing a child and his family because that child was fair game — he and his family spoke of their experience receiving health care through the State Children’s Health Insurance Program. For this, right wingers travel to their home to inspect its worth, they insinuate that the family is engaged in large-scale fraud to receive government benefits, they make threatening phone calls to the family.

This is the politics of hate. Screaming, sobbing, inchoate, hate. It would never, not in a million years, occur to me to drive to the home of a Republican small business owner to see if he “really” needed that tax cut. It would never, not in a million years, occur to me to call his family and demand their personal information. It would never occur to me to interrogate his neighbors. It would never occur to me to his smear his children.
ebonlock: (Monarch)
This is one of the most brilliant things I've read in ages:

THE difference between Peggy Noonan and, say, Jonah Goldberg is the difference between a semi-sordid "accidental" drowning where police find three empty fifths of White Horse Scotch in the trash, just atop last Wednesday's newspaper and a shoebox full of ripped-up love letters from the mid-60s, and the guy who accidentally kills himself trying to use a plunge router to open a can of pudding. For the former, we recognize a shared humanity that was lost somewhere along the way, too long ago for redemption, while the latter serves no discernible purpose, except perhaps as a reminder to throw out that aluminum cookware and not huff paint thinner.
ebonlock: (Monarch)
The Doughy Pantload actually made this argument on the subject of the Larry Craig debacle:

But I’d like someone to walk very slowly through the argument that it’s hypocritical to A) indulge in anonymous gay sex in seedy locations and B) oppose gay marriage. Last I checked, the common definition of hypocrisy involves saying one thing and doing another. Well, Craig wasn’t trying to marry anybody in stall #3 was he?


Do you suppose he does this on purpose? Is it some sort of weirdly ironic performance art? How can someone with this loose a grasp on rational thought do things like hold down a job, drive a car, tie his shoe laces? And why, in the name of all that's holy, does someone pay him to drool on his keyboard like this? It's like the people at National Review are determined to convince us all that there is no just and loving god, that life is inherently unfair, and that intelligence, talent and skill will always lose out to family connections amongst the aristocracy. If that is their goal I would have to say they've succeeded abundantly.
ebonlock: (Tinkerbell)
If you haven't seen it already, you must check out the most bat-shit crazy genocidal/fascist rant I have ever read in my life:

The inadequacy of Democracy, rule by the majority, is undeniable -- for it demands adopting ideas because they are popular, rather than because they are wise. This means that any man chosen to act as an agent of the people is placed in an invidious position: if he commits folly because it is popular, then he will be held responsible for the inevitable result. If he refuses to commit folly, then he will be detested by most citizens because he is frustrating their demands.

The wisest course would have been for President Bush to use his nuclear weapons to slaughter Iraqis until they complied with his demands, or until they were all dead. Then there would be little risk or expense and no American army would be left exposed. But if he did this, his cowardly electorate would have instantly ended his term of office, if not his freedom or his life.

...If President Bush copied Julius Caesar by ordering his army to empty Iraq of Arabs and repopulate the country with Americans, he would achieve immediate results: popularity with his military; enrichment of America by converting an Arabian Iraq into an American Iraq (therefore turning it from a liability to an asset); and boost American prestiege while terrifying American enemies.

He could then follow Caesar's example and use his newfound popularity with the military to wield military power to become the first permanent president of America, and end the civil chaos caused by the continually squabbling Congress and the out-of-control Supreme Court.

President Bush can fail in his duty to himself, his country, and his God, by becoming “ex-president” Bush or he can become “President-for-Life” Bush: the conqueror of Iraq, who brings sense to the Congress and sanity to the Supreme Court. Then who would be able to stop Bush from emulating Augustus Caesar and becoming ruler of the world? For only an America united under one ruler has the power to save humanity from the threat of a new Dark Age wrought by terrorists armed with nuclear weapons.


Lest you think this is the crazy guy standing on the corner with a soapbox and a "kill 'em all" gleam in his eye, he was, until this screed, a highly recommended member of Family Security Matters, for more info on this charming little group I point you here:

Family Security Matters is a front group for the right-wing think tank Center for Security Policy, which hosts none other than Vice President Dick Cheney on its advisory board. It has also been host to a laundry-list of right-wing holdovers, and is now currently known as the "National Security Advisory Council".

Let me rephrase that: a group associated with Vice President Cheney published a column advocating a genocidal dictatorship in the United States. In VERY CLEAR LANGUAGE.


You know the other night on TDS Jon Stewart had the author of the latest wankfest of a biography on Cheney, and before the guy came out Jon commented, "Spoiler alert: in this one Lord Voldemort wins!" I laughed at the time, but I've got to admit now I feel more like crying.
ebonlock: (Snakes on a Dark Lord)
Surfacing briefly because this had to be shared:

Now, in my freest of moments and at the height of procrastination, I sometimes like to imagine the National Review—and occasionally, all of wingnuttia—as a gurgling, twisted Hogwarts. This mainly happens when I spend extended periods reading around over there and realize just what a magically disconnected place wingnuttia is. So I think it’s time we*** got around to placing those outside the reality-based community (I’m a proud Muggle) into their proper houses. I know what you’re thinking: they’re all fucking Slytherins! That may be true, but it would ruin my premise. Allow me then to first dispatch the obvious.

Jonah Goldberg: the Doughy Pantload, chickenhawk par excellence, needed extra time to produce 200 pages of abject stupidity about Hegel and Wholefoods, which will debut on the NYT’s worst-seller list (which will itself debut for Goldberg’s book). Hufflepuff.

Kathryn Jean Lopez: I feel one could argue in any number of directions here. K-Lo’s distinguishing characteristic is her crushes on all the BMOC, which to my mind lines her up with Ravenclaw’s Cho Chang. It helps that Ravenclaw is essentially a repository for the non-white denizens of the magical realm; however, K-Lo’s resemblance to Grimace, along with her intellectual wispiness, suggests Hufflepuff. In the end though, I think Ravenclaw has her.

John Derbyshire: As far as I can recall, the Sorting Hat has nothing to say about criminal insanity. But I feel like Hogwarts in Derb’s era was probably a vastly different place, maybe even home to a slew of imperialists whose personal credo was “rubble don’t make trouble.” Even Albus Dumbledore flirted briefly with colonizing Muggles! Call me crazy, but I think Derb sports red & gold.

Mark Steyn: Slytherin. Slytherin, Slytherin, Slytherin.

Ramesh Ponnuru: the Sorting Hat knew immediately that Ramesh belongs in Ravenclaw, and even foresaw that he would spend his entire Hogwarts career advocating for Slytherin, and even that the Slytherins would find him distasteful.

Ann Althouse: Psych! Althouse is a Squib.
ebonlock: (Draco and the Malfoys)
Roy at Alicublog sums up Lisa Schiffren thusly: "she is stupid for a living"

Why, you might ask, would he do that? Well, try try this on for size:

The struggle between good and evil, freedom and enslavement is, of course, an eternal literary theme. Still, one can't help but notice the astonishing manner in which Gordon Brown has taken a page directly from Harry Potter — and the just released film of Book Seven, at that. Specifically, Brown's strong desire not to call Islamic terrorism by name echoes the insistence of the head of the Wizard government, the Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge — to refer to their mortal enemy, Voldemort, as "he who must not be named." So, even greater kudos to J.K. Rowling, who understood back in the 90's that the world's youth needed a rousing tale of heroism in the face of evil...


Stupid? You're soaking in it!
ebonlock: (wtf kara)
Dennis Prager, filled with the stupid:

Why Are Atheist Books Best Sellers?

It is not due to their eloquence, originality or persuasiveness that these books have become best sellers. I believe other factors are at work. And they are:

First and most significant is the amount of evil coming from within Islam. Whether Islamists (or jihadists, Islamo-Fascists or whatever else Muslims who slaughter innocents in the name of Islam are called) represent a small sliver of Muslims or considerably more than that, they have brought religious faith into terrible disrepute.

How could they not? The one recognized genocide in the world today is being carried out by religious Muslims in Sudan; liberty is exceedingly rare in any of the dozens of nations with Muslim majorities; treatment of women is frequently awful; and tolerance of people with different religious beliefs is largely nonexistent when Muslims dominate a society.


But wait, just when you think, "Oh he's just your average wingnut bigot, nothing to see here" he goes and adds this:

If the same were true of vegetarians — if mass murder and violent intolerance were carried out by vegetarians — there would be a backlash against vegetarianism even among people who previously had no strong feelings about the doctrine.


And if kittens carried Uzi's they'd...um...something bad! Seriously, WTF? Sadly, No! labels this is the worst analogy ever and I've got to say I haven't run into a worse one that I can remember. Or is he perhaps attempting to make some connection between vegetarians and fascists (if you use the old myth that Hitler was a vegetarian it all makes sense in a wingnutty sort of way), perhaps it's a version of wingnut semaphore. Though I must say I can't make heads nor tails of the Muslims = Atheists argument.
ebonlock: (Brock pissed)
First Michael Fumento writes this piece of crap about how the bad guys in Hollywood films just aren't *Muslim* enough for his tastes, then World o' Crap rips him a new one in "Nice Actor, But Does He Come In White?". One of my favorite bits of Fumento's review of "Live Free or Die Hard":

In fact, it was the Department of Homeland Security that turns out to have been more or less responsible for the attack in the first place. Meanwhile one of the few good guys in the movie, the head of the FBI team that aids our hero John McCain[sic], looks decidedly Arabic.


So his complaint is that the bad guys in the film aren't Arabic enough, and that the head of the FBI (played by a New Zealander, btw) is a little too Arabic. Fumento pines for the days of full scale governmental propaganda churning out of Hollywood and can't seem to figure out why we're not cranking out the modern day equivalent of “Der Fuhrer’s Face” and “Nipped the Nips”.

And to top it off Fumento then swings by World o' Crap to leave this little rancid turd of a comment:

This accusation represents the combined intelligence of the original blogger and his idiot acolytes. I’ll bet you all split a gut laughing when those Twin Towers fell.


To which Jay B can only reply:

Not enough hateful Arabs in movies for your tastes? First, that’s idiotic — seeing as how we were treated to United 93, a docudrama done not four years after the attacks, to say nothing of TWO haigiographies of GW’s amazing response to the attacks, and a slobbering celebration of FIVE YEARS of torture fantasies in 24. Plenty of bad Islamicists there, don’t you think.

And hell, we’ve had six straight years of fear-soaked media blathering about how they’re planning something big, how we’ve offed yet another #2 in Al Queda, the WoT and what not. The amount of fiction contained in these Pentagon Morality plays that air on CNN and FOX, reach the level of pure propaganda that has proven deicisively unpopular by the public at large. So again, where’s the beef? We’ve enjoyed six solid years of Islamicist demonization — and it’s still not playing in Peroria, is it?

So, relatively speaking, you think it’s more important for movies to convey that which armies of ‘thinkers’ like Fumento puke out every day? Or that the producers at FOX spin silly? Or the psychotic reactions of this administration? Somehow movies are the key to the people’s minds in the ways that saturation isn’t?

Morally relative indeed.

And Fumento — fuckface — if you’re still reading, while the Towers falling was for many of us who were there was as devestating a day as we’ll ever experience, why don’t you just admit it was the single best day of your life? That’s all you got, buddy. Fear. Hate. War. The only reason we’re at war is because of it. The only reason Bush is still president is still because of it. The only reason you have a ‘voice’ at all is because of it. It is the sum of your being. It’s how you approach art, it’s how you approach your thinking, it’s how you approach every day, filtered through its impact.

Wanna be a prick about how we ‘responded’ to being New Yorkers? Fine. Just live with the fact that 9/11 gave you meaning, and without it, you’d probably be beating up Mexicans instead. Shitheel.


Frankly I think "shitheel" is too good for a hate-filled fuck like this, but that's me.

Scott from World o' Crap, however, takes the high road:

I don’t personally go in for acolytes, but if you’re referring to the people who are kind enough to read and comment on this site, they are not only smart, humane, and remarkably well-informed, they’re not afflicted with the same kind of blinkered, obsessive hatred that allows you to use the tragedy of 9/11 as punchline, in a petty disagreement over a movie.


Amen, brother.
ebonlock: (GAH!)
Over at Sadly, No! czrpb gives us the perfect "shorter" version of Doug "Heterosexual" Giles' latest screed:

Ya know - I am a minister: Kinda like a cross between Reverend Shaw Moore and Lord John Whorfin; catch my drift Peach?


What's Giles on about? His rules for dating his daughters. Allow me to quote one or two:

6. Thou shall know that our family is old school. Do not even think about approaching me with liberal, hippy, agnostic, atheistic, anti-American or tree humping bull crap. I was raised by country-loving, God-fearing, hard-working, meat-eating, good ole’ Texan parents, and I have zero tolerance for what your long-toothed, rather mannish lesbian sociology teacher at Columbia U programmed you with—you dig?


And how about:

7. Thou shall know that I like cool and expensive gifts and you shall provide unto me this bounty, if you’re smart … For example; I like high quality cigars (nothing below a 90), Johnnie Walker Blue Label, Chimay Grand Reserve, books on hunting Africa and old British double rifles. I also like original art work, R&B and classic rock compilations, collecting skulls, hunting and big game fishing trips, antique Christian and Classic books, custom choppers and early twentieth century African safari memorabilia.


Hey, what's a little prostitution between guys? One wonders what sexual favors with Doug's daughters a custom chopper would purchase for an interested young man. But here's another:

10. Thou shall do these three things: 1) Look good. Do not come into my house with earrings, a grill, or over sized pants with your butt cleavage hanging out. 2) Read. If I have to talk to you, you had better know as much about as many things as possible. 3) Serve. I’m looking for a sacrificial dude who doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty in helping around the house, in our community, in our nation and with our wonderful world. If you, young man, obey all the words written here, then and only then will you have a chance with my babies. Now, go get me a beer.


Uh...huh. Read the whole thing if you want a truly Freudian glimpse into the uber masculine mind of the modern wingnut. Or just check out one commenter's addition to Mr. Giles' list:

Jake H. said:

11. Don’t be stingy with the head, junior. If you’re going to take up space in this house, you’re going to leave with the tile pattern from my bathroom floor imprinted on your hairless little kneecaps, hot shot. That’s right, this prospective pops-in-law expects BJs while on the can. All the Johnny Walker Blue loosens up the bowels, too, so be ready to follow me down the hall every time I stand up and grab one of my dog-eared Left Behind paperbacks. And I don’t mean faggoty, gentle-lipped head like you gave your bunkmate at your kiked-up sleepaway camp. My old life as a dope-dealing felon left me with a taste for prison-style head–lots of teeth and hate. If you can treat three inches of God’s finest properly, and if you swallow my fetid load without gagging, I might let you use more than one square of toilet-paper to clean off my asshole.
ebonlock: (wtf kara)
So wingnut welfare poster boy (and top contender for Stupidest Fucking Human on the Face of the Planet) Jonah Goldberg has apparently changed the subtitle of his kinda soon to be released magnum opus from the original catchy, if somewhat over the top: "Liberal Fascism:The Totalitarian Temptation from Mussolini to Hillary Clinton." to a somewhat...dare I say, even more tantalizingly weird juxtaposition: "Liberal Fascism: The Totalitarian Temptation from Hegel to Whole Foods."

Whole Foods? Really? And Hegel was a liberal? Huh. Learn something new every day.
ebonlock: (Monarch)


I didn't understand the question!


Ace of Spades, Heterosexual and Wingnut Extraordinaire, seems to have some...issues with teh gay sex:

Not that I’m saying homosexuality is incompatible with masculinity, of course. Consenting biweekly to having one’s duodenum battered with the manic hydraulic fury of a tricked-out V-12 jackhammer manned by an epileptic Con-Ed worker with an ancestral oath of vengeance against asphalt would, I think, tend to butch one up, at least as regards one’s pain threshold.


Note I didn't say he had a problem with gay sex, or hated it, rather he has issues with it. One of those issues being that he's spending way too much time thinking about exactly what's involved in it. I mean I haven't seen many slash writers go into that kind of detail.

Sadly, this isn't even the first time he's flung this particular bit of verbal poo:

“You want dudes to shank you up your manpooters, fine. But you don’t have to be a 12 year old girl about it, do you? Quite frankly, I’d imagine that frequently getting dorked up the drop-pipe would, due to the pain and general unpleasantness of the experience, tend to instill one with a certain amount of quiet, manfully steely resolve, like a toughened soldier waving off anaesthesia even though he’s got a bit chunk of shrapnel in his gut, only it’s even worse than that, because it turns out that shrapnel is really a great big cock shredding his duodenum with the quavering manic intensity of a palsied ConEd worker with a tricked-out V8 jackhammer and and an ancestral vow of vengeance against ashphalt.”


Fascinating, hmm? What's even more interesting, though is that he seems to have an equal repugnance for girlie bits, and interactions therein:

"Best friend gay -- okay, I can see that one going either way; one of my best buds is a homo. Turned off by c****lingus? Eh, a lot of guys don't dig that. Who the hell knows what's going on down there. It's like H.R. Geiger giving up ink and canvas to work in the avant-garde medium of Play-Doh and bacon."


What, we're forced to wonder, is left for Ace who shivers in fear of the jackhammer of love but dares not enter the bacon-y depths of a woman's flower? Perhaps he's forced to turn to a melon warmed in the microwave? Or the old tried and true Dust Buster with corner attachment?
ebonlock: (Eric)
I had to read this like three times before my brain could actually process it:

The White House is starting to draw up a list of potential nominees to lead the World Bank, and former U.S. Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, a heart surgeon who has traveled widely in Africa, is getting especially close scrutiny for the job.


Well there you go, he'd been to Africa lots of times so clearly he's the best man for the job...

*sigh*

*headdesk*
ebonlock: (Bollocks!)
Roy at Alicublog reads Jane Galt's latest weird little treatise on how much she likes teh gay but hates liberals and finds this in the comments:

When I was in the Army there was a situation where the food that was being stored for use in case of a nuclear war was reaching it's expiration date. Instead of just throwing the food away, the Army gave it away for free.

Our post had cheese to give away. Lots of cheese. If you were so minded, you could get one or two 10lb blocks of cheese. The cheese was 35 years old.

Thousands of people stood in line for hours to get 20lbs of 35 year old cheese.

Does that sound like something you would do? I wouldn't.

My point: Just because legalizing something (gay marriage, polygamy, men doinking trees) doesn't affect you, that does not mean that it would not adversely affect society.


Parse that one, I double dog dare you! One of Roy's readers responds in the comments:

What kind of mind even thinks about "doinking" a tree? I mean, yeah, one is used to the links from gay marriage to polygamy the wingnuts trot out, but I don't know if that's sufficient room for one to get the speed to make the leap to actually having carnal relations with a goddamn tree. Fucking hell. That's just weird, man.

I wonder if this really is a problem, if there's really hordes of men and women who, without threat from penalty of law, would engage in non-stop tree buggering, thus bring America's Industrial Might to a screeching, sticky halt. I betcha an arborasexual has a frustrating lot. Not only is this really the love that dares not speak its name, I imagine finding a suitable knothole is a chore. Even upon finding one, I imagine the very best would still chaff one's willy something fierce.


And the incest thing, complete with "Oh, my God, they're gonna make you doink your sister like in Sweden or wherever" hysterics is just the cheery. Most of your anti-gay marriage types are just hateful sacks of shit, but there is that subset that's convinced that if the law was changed, they'd have no choice but to dive, dive, dive into piles of quivering manflesh morning, noon and night. You know those guys are the lives of their respective parties.

Man. Wingnuts are weird. Entertaining, though. The social implications of legalized tree doinking never would've occurred to me in a million years.
Matt T.
ebonlock: (Monarch)
Gavin M dismantles the latest offal from John Hindraker, we begin with Hindy's premise:
We Thought they Were In Favor of Planning

One of the Democrats’ frequent talking points about Iraq is that the administration failed to plan the mission there adequately. It is ironic, then, that nearly all of the Democrats in the House of Representatives have voted to bar the administration from planning for the contingency of hostilities with Iran.


Gavin says:
That squeaking noise you hear is my brain hitting itself with a little rubber mallet. It is ironic, then, that wha…?
[...]
Hinderaker is a lawyer of the incurious Dartmouth variety, and as such, he seems unable to imagine political discourse as anything but a species of litigation, in which opposing parties are expected to craft a version of reality that favors their side. Hindy’s notion of himself as an analyst (he’s a Claremont Institute fellow) isn’t about pursuing facts and insights, but about thinking up instrumental arguments to help support his imagined client, George W. Bush.

There are a lot of right-wing commentators like that, out in the gabble-and-honkosphere, but Hindy is the most like that. He’s the type specimen. And the trouble with juridical wingnuttery is that legal debate, unlike political debate, is refereed, such that you can only get away with so much sophistry and smoke-blowing before the judge tells you to stop stinking up his or her courtroom. Here, the right-wing litigators more or less run amok. Hindy’s signature means of enjoying his free-stinking privileges — his flatus operandi, as it were — is to pretend not to know things. He rarely tells outright fibs, but instead deploys a powerful tactical stupidity that’s quite distinct from the strategic and moral one that he actually possesses.

For examp, above we find a juicy plum of a Hinderakerism. He’s pretending that he has steeped himself in politics and foreign affairs these past few years without encountering the idea that the plans for the Iraq War and the subsequent occupation were intended to produce certain specified results (e.g., peace, democracy, a functioning civil society, greater safety for America) which are different from the results that actually came to pass (e.g., spiraling death, terror, and chaos; a corrupt and teetering theocratic government, greater danger to America). That is, there were plans (X), and those plans originally specified that Iraq become something different from an ungovernable warzone with mutilated corpses dumped in ditches and things blowing up all over the place (not-X). This, for the purpose of today’s argument, is news to him.

To be precise, Hinderaker affirms that he has heard of this ‘planning not adequate’ thing as a talking point frequently used by Democrats. He merely avoids the part about it being a universally-acknowledged fact, instantly verifiable via any available media and as controversial as a sigh in a summer lilac breeze. I.e., that it is the truth.
[...]
Let’s instead translate the above Hinderakerism into rational adult discourse:

One of the [problems in] Iraq is that the administration failed to plan the mission there adequately. It is [not ironic], then, that nearly all of the Democrats in the House of Representatives have voted to bar the administration from planning [an even more crack-smokingly feckless and dangerous stunt, to wit: a sudden attack on] Iran.
ebonlock: (Brock pissed)
Ok so I know Ann Althouse is an ass, but I've got to admit I didn't realize quite how big an ass until I read this:

And why does reading even need to be a separate subject from history in school? Give them history texts and teach reading from them. Science books too. Leave the storybooks for pleasure reading outside of school. They will be easier reading, and with well-developed reading skills, kids should feel pleasure curling up with a novel at home. But even if they don't, why should any kind of a premium be placed on an interest in reading novels? It's not tied to economic success in life and needn't be inculcated any more than an interest in watching movies or listening to popular music. Leave kids alone to find out out what recreational activities enrich and satisfy them. Some may want to dance or play music or paint. Just because teachers tend to be the kind of people who love novels does not mean that this choice ought to be imposed on young people via compulsory education. Teach them about history, science, law, logic -- something academic and substantive -- and leave the fictional material for after hours.


...

This is exactly the mindset that has always made me seriously consider semi-automatic weapons and bell towers. The same mindset that sneers at "creative types", pats literature and art students on the heads and sadly murmurs, "But how are you going to make a living doing that?" The same mindset that put my editorial department on the bottom rung of the business totem pole, serene in its certainty that people don't really give a shit about quality content and decent writing. It's all about the benjamins, baby.

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